A
female
age
36-40,
*cullyanna
writes:How is it possible to look at myself, knowing I am not a model, knowing it is unrealistic to desire to be super skinny, and still think I am sexy and beautiful? My fiance thinks I am sexy, why can't I? I hide it quite well, as he believes my confidence is one of the sexiest things about me. I am not overweight, as a matter of fact I am right on target with my weight. What can I do to see myself as the beautiful, desired woman that I pretend I think I am?
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female
reader, scullyanna +, writes (15 February 2010):
scullyanna is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow, ya'll have been insanely helpful. I liked all of your answers and I know they will all help me. I was super glad to hear not to go down to 1200 calories a day as this is next to impossible when trying to feed my fiance 2400 calories a day plus give my 4 year old all the food she needs to have energy and be healthy. I think all the negativity is simply in my head. Somewhere inside I know I am an attractive woman, I just find it difficult to remember that when I am around some that perhaps have more flattering figures in my eyes. I will tell you all that I am 5'8 and 155 lbs, so I know I am not over weight. Perhaps I simply need to adjust the way I think by encouraging myself, as someone said, and also by dressing differently so I feel prettier. Thank you all so much for your help! I was feeling a little icky until this.
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (14 February 2010):
 Try to keep in mind that all the glossy pics in magazines are air brushed, photoshopped and doctored up to make the person look "perfect". Which basically means us women are chasing an impossible image. No one is perfect but we are all sexy beings no matter what we think our imperfections are. Also everyone has a different idea of perfection. Me I like guys with hair on their chest others like it smooth.
You are perfect as you are doll make that your mantra!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2010): Your problem isn't that you are not sexy -- your weight is fine, your boyfriend likes you -- but that you have trouble believing it. So, you need to work on the belief. This is something that a counselor might help, but as an easy thing to try: practice daily affirmations. "I am sexy." "I am beautiful." "My boyfriend loves me." -- pick what you wish were true but find hard to believe. Then practice saying it over and over to yourself, for, say, 5 minutes at a time. Sounds dumb, but affirmations work -- we really do believe what we hear, much of the time. This is why negative self-talk is so destructive. Affirmations are one way to combat that.
By all means, work out. If there are other things that make you feel sexy -- jewelry, nice clothes, perfume, a tattoo, whatever -- go for it. Believe in yourself, you are worth it!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2010): That's the perfect build, then, baby! Contrary to what most women believe, most guys don't want to play around with a stickman or a supermodel. Sure, they're great for looking at in a magazine or porno, sort of like checking out great views in the mountains or landscape.., but when it comes to who they'd rather do or look at, it's the shapely girls. There has to be at least some fat or meat shape on their bones or there's nothing great there. You're one of the blessed girls out there that doesn't make yourself throw up or starve. Yes, it's good to excercise and eat healthy, but past that, don't worry about dieting or trying to change for your man. It sounds like you have the perfect figure. Don't ever get too skinny, but don't ever grow so big that you can roll, either. However, fat girls need loving too.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2010): Ah yes, I think this is something a lot of us women struggle with! I have found that if you want to see yourself as sexy, you have to try and feel sexy, if that makes sense. So that might mean doing things which make you feel good about yourself. It could be dressing in clothes which make you feel confident, getting a new hairstyle you've wanted for a while...even just walking with your head held high and thinking positive thoughts about yourself can help.
Last year I had to recover from an eating disorder, and certainly did not feel comfortable with myself at all. So, I decided to try dancing. I don't have the courage to join a group, so I got some dvds which teach dance moves. I have to admit, I am completely rubbish at it! But it still feels good, and it has helped me feel more feminine, and I guess more comfortable with the way I am. So even something like that might help, if that's an option?
But yeah, I am a believer that to see yourself as sexy, you have to feel sexy first. I hope this helps! x
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (13 February 2010):
 You misinterpret what is and what is not something that people want in a woman.
You think that models are hot. Well, yes and no. Which models are you looking at? You are probably thinking about fashion models. They are sickly skinny. If you have to go on a starvation diet and you have to develop an eating disorder to get to your desired weight, then you are not healthy nor are you sexy.
As an exercise science major, personal trainer, and soon to be fitness consultant, I say do not even look at the scale, but rather look at your measurements. What do you want?
Do you like to be like a pornstar? Work out and eat. Do you want to be toned and look like a Internation Swimsuit model? Work out and eat. Do you want to look like a hollywood actress thats known for their amazing figure, like Beyonce? Work out and eat. Do you want to look like anyone that has the natural female body? Work out and eat.
If you do not eat, you will end up having to do that for the rest of your life in order to avoid gaining weight. The reason being, that if you starve yourself your metabolism goes down to nothing. When you are about to die from lack of nutrition and you realize you need to eat something, when you start eating more like even 1200 calories a day, which is nothing btw, it all turns into storage fat.
The Gist= EAT
focus on eating healthy and being active. If you want a bigger butt, do some squats and add 100 calories a day to your diet in the form of 25 more grams of protein.
The body is a big block of marble that can be sculpted however you wish through exercise and healthy eating.
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