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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for about 1 year and a half and I love him so much. He is my first love and I do want to be with him forever. The thing is, I keep thinking about someone else who used to fancy me ages ago and I can't tell if I may fancy him a little. I would never cheat on my boyfriend but sometimes I fantasise about this other guy pretending me and my boyfriend aren't together. I don't want to go out with this guy in like a long-term relationship but sometimes I want to flirt with him and tell him I like him but I can't becuase I have a boyfriend. My heart would break if my boyfriend ever thought about another girl like this so why am I doing it to him? Some people say it is harmless but sometimes I just want to tell this guy how I feel and spend a day with him but then go back to my boyfriend! How horrible is that?! Do you think I should tell my boyfriend about these thoughts or break up with him or forget about the other guy?? I really love my boyfriend but I lust this guy!thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2006): You should tell your boyfriend he might understand.....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2005): Well, being a fellow female, I reckon that there'll always come to this point in your relationship where you're in a rather stable position with your boyfriend. Then, comes along this other guy who 'sweeps you off your feet', could be someone from college, or someone at work. You may not know him that well, but you still fall for him. Then you go, but I dont want to break my boyfriend's heart. But, at the same time you go, but is he really the one for me? Or is this a sign that there are many other people out there. So you just sit and think... you ponder and wonder how each scenario will be like... but always remember that you won't know what you've got till you've lost it. Or, you may have to move out of your current comfort zone to realize the many other wonders outside the well. I hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (17 August 2005):
 Because your boyfriend is your "first love", you, quite naturally, wonder what else is out there in the rest of the world.
First loves are wonderful. Everything is so fresh and pleasing and enjoyable and thrilling. And you only ever get one "first", so people instinctively want it to feel the same way forever. But if you look around you, at people who have been in relationships for 10 or 25 or 40 years and who still love each other, you'll find only a miniscule fraction are "first loves". That's because the thrill of your first relationship overshadows almost every flaw and fault. At first. As you grow and change in your life, the thrill of that "firstness" begins to fade and the flaws come to light. So what? You admit that your partner isn't really perfect, and you move on.
Well, that may be what's happening with you now. You've been together for a while, you feel comfortable with each other and the little tiny flaws (all of us have them) are starting to surface, making you wonder about other guys in the world.
You're curious about this other guy and your fantasies show that you'd like to try dating other people, even though you never want to hurt your current boyfriend.
It's time to discuss this with him. Tell him about how you feel about your relationship with him, that you love him and never want to hurt him, but because he was your first, you keep wondering about what "might have been". Ask him what he feels about the matter. Listen to what he says. At worst, this will be a great time for the two of you to dust off your relationship and give it a new spark by paying more attention to each other.
On the other hand, maybe your boyfriend is wondering about some "what ifs" too.
If you think about where your fantasies are leading you, it's towards the thrill of a new relationship, whilst maintaining the comfort of the old one. Obviously, you can't have both, but you're not a monster for imagining it.
You need to think about what's of more importance to you: what you have with your current boyfriend, or what you think you might get with a new one, and then act accordingly.
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