A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Like other posts I have read on here, my fiance and father of my two year old has been texting other women for quite a while. There have been occasions where he has gone out at night and ignored my texts for hours, saying he didn't text me back cos he was hammered and didn't check his phone. However, when I checked his phone when he was asleep, I found he had been texting five other women all night. He swears on all our lives he hasn't cheated and I believe him, but I've told him many times I hate him keeping female friends and texts secret. After the last time I thought he would stop but I recently found out he got the number of a girl who works at a different branch of his company who he met at the Xmas do. Now he is texting her (he thinks without me knowing.) He did mention her after the do, but only to say this girl was really drunk and dancing innappropriately. Since he knows how much this hurts me, should he have stopped all this by now? It feels like he's really disrespecting me and putting his need to text other women before my feelings.
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female
reader, leegee +, writes (30 January 2011):
i myself are going through the same probs in a long distance relationship with a guy that ive recently got engaged to i thought he was my world hes very loving and giving, when all hes done is text sex other women throughout our relationship for over a year now.ive caught him out a few times as he has other phones dont no quite how many.i found a phone when he was staying the week with me hidden under lining of hes suitcase he spends long periods in the loo whenever we are in or out for the night,up to five women at the same time cant understand why he wants them to get him off when we also send each other sexy msgs to each other the worst thing is some of the women are from fb knowing they have read our engaged status they still want to meet up with him.i know that i have to get rid of him,as these texts wont stop hes had a yr now to buck up and stop,but its too late he says he wants to marry me as im the best thing thats happened but i guess he says this to all the others hes been talking to its a disgrace,what a bodge up
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2008): So, I had the same thing happen to me. My fiance had been doing the same exact thing. It absolutely drove me crazy. Long story short, he was cheating on me. Get rid of him! If he can't respect your wishes and blatantly ignores you then its not worth it. Sorry but its true. There are many many other men that will truly only want to text you. Hope he finds you!
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A
female
reader, t67stanggirl  +, writes (4 August 2008):
I had a similar problem. You would think that if they know how you feel about the situation that they would stop. My husband of 6 years first started when we had been married for only 2 years. He had made profiles on match.com, etc. Well I forgave him and had forgotten until recently, 2 years ago, when I was pregnant with our third child and noticed that when he was coming home from work, he was receiving and sending a lot of text messages. So one morning, while he was showering, I looked through his text messages and saw that he was texting some girl who was from somewhere else. But the things he was saying to her were so hurtful because they are the things that he has never said to me. I think what made it hurt the most was that, here I was, pregnant with his third child and he was doing this behind my back. Let alone during Christmas time. Honestly, I had never gotten an apologize for it until about a month ago. In my opinion, texting is cheating. It's emotional and since then, I honestly haven't been able to trust him completely like I did before this past incident. I know that he hasn't physically done anything with anyone and he knows that the day that happens I will most definately walk out without looking back. But these situations are still hurtful and it's very difficult to find the trust that was there. I still check his phone every now and then, but he has since then begun to delete his inbox and outbox messages, which makes it all the more suspicious. As mentioned previously, I consider it cheating because if they're thinking about someone else in that way, whose to say they wouldn't physically do it if given the right opportunity.
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A
female
reader, Redd1 +, writes (19 February 2008):
I can relate to how you feel; my husband of 5yrs has been texting an ex-lover for 3 1/2 yrs and I just found out about it 1wk ago. I was really hurt b/c he kept it a secret and I thought we were better than that. After forgiving him I found out he was text 2 other women for about 1yr. I told him we can talk about what they were texting he told me he forgot what was texted. What do you think about that,
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2008): It's my belief that he is obviously not committed to you. i was in a similar situation and deep down i knew he was lying, as a result of the stress i was ill; so i broke up with him and although it was hard at first, and a lot of anger, i feel much better and feel like i am myself again. get rid of him before he starts to control you. a fiance/ husband is supposed to be committed to his wife, not getting over-friendly with other women. more so if there is a child involved, that child needs a committed father too.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2008): What I think is most important is how secure you are in this relationship. You looked into his phone for the sole purpose of finding out something bad so that is a bad sign already. Thats not really a bad thing but the fact that you felt the need to is (even worse you found out he lied about not using his phone). You need to keep in mind that MANY guys feel that sexual contact IS the only form of cheating. The only thing you can do to help is let him know that it's ok to have female friends, you just don't like him keeping them secret. If you show alot of anger & jealousy he's more likely to keep something from you for fear of getting in trouble (even if what he said or did was harmless). If the behavior continues & he lies to your face again (lies of omission shouldn't anything serious) then you need to find out why he's doing it.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (31 January 2008):
 Your right, he is disrespecting you. When he says he swears on everyone's life, I'd take a step aside and say "whoo, I thought I might get struck by lighning."
There are many forms of cheating. It doesn't have to be sex. Keeping inappropriate conversations with someone can be considered cheating as well. I'd sit him down and talk. Don't address the text as cheating, address it as not respecting the relationship. Ask him how he feels about your relationship. If he says he feels good about it. I'd simply say that I don't feel as if he really wants to be there, because if he did he'd respect my feelings and stop having secret message sending with these other people.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (30 January 2008):
 Hi,
I hate to be the party pooper here, but this guy sounds like an arsehole. He has a child with you and is going out to all hours getting plastered and texting strange women, and people think this could be innocent?
No guy texts women like this without the intention of getting physical, guys just arent like that, there has to be a reason for texting these women otherwise he would just hang out with his mates and get drunk.
Sorry mate, but it sounds like you got a right cad on your hands here. I don't see how he's going to change if you say you believe his protestations of innocence (why would he tell you the truth , he has it sweet , he can go out and flirt to his hearts content, get wasted and come home to his fiance.)
Thats just my view anyway, I know if I behaved like that my wife would kick my arse out of the home.
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A
female
reader, Dawnie +, writes (30 January 2008):
 There is nothing wrong in your husband having female friends, it is how he behaves with them that counts. Are these texts inappropriate? if so then it has to stop now.
Like you say he has said he has not cheated and you believe him,tell him what you have found on his phone. There should not be secrets in a marriage, he should be concentrating on you his wife, not texting all these other women behind your back.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2008): No respect towards you. Dump him
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2008): Have a chat with him and ask him if he does send texts? If he says NO, then you have got a bare faced liar here. If he says YES, then tell him you are not happy about it. There is no reason why he shouldnt have female friends, just like you can have blokes as mates, but it is knowing where to draw the line. Please have a chat, if he persists in texting then review your situation and ask yourself if you really want to be with him and put up with this. I personally wouldnt be too keen if my bloke was texting some woman who was at the xmas do, but that is me.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (30 January 2008):
 what kind of txts has he been sending?? are they inappropriate? if so you know wat to do, if not then at least you know he is not cheating. however, it is still unfair wat he is doing to you, and he should respect the fact that it hurts you and is not acceptable to do wen he is in a relationship. tell him that you are very uncomfortable with him talking to other women at night, collecting numbers, and doing it behind your back. how would he feel if you were going out at night getting other guys numbers? if he doesnt respect this and stop, then you should think about why he feels the need to do this. wat he is doing is really unfair and you deserve to have someone who doesnt need other random women to txt. good luck
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