A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I just want some 3rd party opinions on this.I recently informed my boyfriend of 5 years that I need to know where this is actually going because discussing marriage but then counterbalancing it with what seems like sarcastic comments isn't cutting it. I was a great deal nicer when talking to him. I have a life plan - he doesn't and if he can't commit I want to know now and deal with the whole thing and find someone else.We are both grads of top universities with great careers so there shouldn't be a hang up.Now he is avoiding me - did I do the wrong thing? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHI and thanks for the feedback
I appriciate the info - I must say that I fear having to leave.
He did call last today and although he is pretending none of this happened I am hoping when I go up to his place for the next week we'll get somewhere with it all. I am supposed to be moving up to his area in a month and actually into his place so we'll see.
Thanks again
A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (31 January 2008):
 ah i see, my apologies...maybe he's still just not ready
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (31 January 2008):
 A Graduate, a top career and a life plan. You sound like a catch, but on the flip side it all sounds rather structured and organised. For a lot of guys - no matter how intelligent and career orientated they are - when the life plan stuff comes out it scares the hell out of them.
I don't necessarily think your bf has commitment problems as he has been with you 5 years, but I would guess the marriage talk with all the of the happy married family life connotations probably hit him like a locomotive - he's probably walking around picturing you with a swollen belly changing nappies and yelling at him.
You might have to go through with your threat. You have a right to know where the relationship stands after 5 years, and you have found out that he's most likely not into the settling down marriage and kids type of thing just yet, its probably a case of whether you can wait - but you might have scared him off if he isnt communicating with you - I imagine if you push too hard on these issues it will be a mutual split.
Good luck anyway.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2008): That's weird. I don't understand why he wouldn't want to get married when he is older than you, because some older guys I have met, are in a hurry to get married because their "biological clock" seems to be running out. Maybe he is afraid of commitment, or maybe he's just not that into you. I'd tell you to ask him, but seems like he is avoiding you- I guess you'll just have to move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2008): I think you are a bit young. You need to live your lives and have some fun. You have gone through a very studious time and he probably feels he wants some fun and you come up with the marriage stuff. Back off a bit and let him have some air. Try and have a chat to him if you want, but do you really want to get married right now? Think about it and consider having some fun first, maybe travel the world etc.
take care
xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2008): Youve been together 5 years and thats plenty of time to get to know each other. It sounds like your talk of marriage as found your boyfriends true colours, he's a waster. Move on and find another guy who know what he wants, like you do.Good Luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo clarify my age is actually a bit low on the profile (I am a bit older) and my guy is 7 years older than I am. Also we have been together for more than 5 years - at three years this wouldn't have been an issue.
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A
female
reader, O Connor +, writes (30 January 2008):
you are in the 18-21 age group and are talking about marriage to your boyfriend? wow thats pretty heavy to hear from your partner, no wonder he got a bit freaked out. you are both very young and he probably wont be thinking about marriage and kids for a while, which is normal! ive been with my boyf for 3 yrs im the same age and have no intention of even talking about this for another few yrs. i dont know wat you should do, you have said it and cant really retract it. if you really wanna find someone with the same wants, then move on, but understand that that is really heavy stuff to tell someone at this age. why cant you wait a while?
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