A
female
age
41-50,
*ainaaa
writes:He doesnt let me use my own phone but he has his own cell. Also he keeps the secret passcode as a secret and secured one for me too.As being a teacher there comes times when i really get troubled when i dont have a cell.For example: in need to give a message to my sister about something very important while in a meeting.These moments i used to borrow a collegue's cell. Any suggestions about what shud I do so that i cud have my own cell and what shud i do to make him tell me the code? Pls help Reply to this Question
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female
reader, simplySouthern  +, writes (20 November 2009):
For starters, a grown woman doesn't need PERMISSION from her spouse to get her own cellphone, your are his wife, not his PROPERTY, so go down an get yourself a phone already! And if he gets mad, remind him that a marriage license is not OWNERSHIP PAPERS!! Now part 2, if he keeps his emails and cell phone locked up tight from you, there is only one logical reason and it should have already dawnned on you unless you have your head completely in the sand. HE IS HIDING SOMETHING!! There are NO SECRETS in a relationship especially a marriage!! You need to start standing up for yourself and at the same time tell him the secret passwords and crap days are O-V-E-R, if he has nothing to hide he will give them to you, if not and he starts squawking about a "right to privacy"! Tell him that is bullcrap when it comes to your spouse, and find you a good divorce lawyer and stop being a weak woman and letting that man be your dictator!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2008): i think you should just get a phone i mean you shouldnt be controlled that way you are a woman...
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (23 June 2008):
 when i first started reading this i thought you were a child talking about their father - im taking it i was wrong. are you not in the financial situation where you can buy your own with your own money? if you are then go out and buy one - its your money and your life. to be honest though, this guy sounds like a total jerk - controlling, secretive, manipulative - the list could go on. you are a grown woman and you should not have to answer to this man, let alone allow him to prevent you from having something as petty as a cell!! this post has infuriated me to be honest - how dare this man treat you like this!! my advice is buy your own cell, call him and tell him where to go! let him go and prevent someone else from having a cell, you deserve better than this child who needs to control you. i hope this helps, please email me if you wanna talk more xxx
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A
female
reader, nainaaa +, writes (23 June 2008):
nainaaa is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCan any male reader comment on this pls.
why shud he(my husband)keep his cell phone and emails so much secured from me? What might he be hiding from me? Ofcz he is a cheater so shud I force him to show me what he is hiding? Am I giving him room for cheating again? What sounds like when i tell him that i wud buy a cell phone if he doesnt give me access to his cell and emails?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008): He's trying to control you.
I take it this "he" is your boyfriend?
Relationships should be based on trust. Why doesn't he trust you enough to let you have your own phone?
You should go and buy one. He doesn't own you and he has no right to take away your phone and restrict your use of it.
I agree with the other aunts.
Good Luck. x
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (23 June 2008):
 I'd suggest you simply go out and get yourself your own cell phone; don't ask for permission, just go ahead and get one. I agree that having one is very useful in emergencies or when you need to contact someone urgently.
As far as having a secure code on his own phone; sounds like he does not want you to know what is in there, or if it is a company phone, there may be some rules regarding the use or security of the phone.
I think you've written to DearCupid before about this issue; obviously things have not gotten better for you. I'm sorry to hear that.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-has-my-husband-got-a-secret-lock.html
I would proceed with getting my own phone if I were in your shoes.
Good luck and let us know how you get on!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008): It sounds like you are a child but infact you are a grown woman! You are in control of your life, not him, take control, what gives him the right to boss you around?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008): Vow, this guys seems to be in contoll of your life; why do you allow him to dictate to you about something as basic as a cellphone?
Does he not trust you? If he does not trust you why? Have you given him any reason; or is it because he cannot be trusted; thus also the code on his phone;
I suggest you take control of your life and your needs such as a cellphone; personally I suggest you get yourself a phone and just explain to him that you do need it; if he does not like it; vow.....let him take a walk! Then you are better off without him....
Do not allow anybody to controll your life like this; vow, you are not a little girl and him the father trying to look after your best interest; you are a grown up!
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Tremor  +, writes (23 June 2008):
 It sounds like whoever 'he' is, he is trying to control you. What are his reasons for not giving you your cell phone? And why does he get to have one?
More detail might be handy, but from what I can tell, this man isn't very good for you.
Perhaps your best bet is to just go out and buy another phone on your own. You don't need his permission.
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