A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, my boyfriend and I have been dating three months, and it's got more serious in that time. I've met his mum, now I want him to meet mine. Problem is, that Mum doesn't want to meet him.When I suggested it, she went on about how she doesn't want men in the house, and burst into tears (she's been in a lot of rocky relationships).So, I dropped it. But now, the b/f is feeling annoyed that she won't meet him, and yesterday he texted me with "I can't just go into hiding whenever I come to your town. It just won't work." which has put the fear of god into me. What if Mum never wants to meet him? I don't want this to break us up.
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female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (23 June 2008):
 Your mother has had some bad experiences with men and is terrified you will have the same. Having a man in the house, nice as he may be, just brings back the memory of all the hurt she has suffered.
It may take a bit of time. Why don't you see if you can get her to meet him on "neutral territory" - maybe go out for a meal with him and ask your mother to come?
Or, maybe, get him to send her a bunch of flowers with a note thanking her for having such a wonderful daughter and saying how much he would like to meet her some time?
A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (23 June 2008):
 I think its more to do with the fact that she has issues with her little girl growing up and getting into relationships. Possibly relationships where she feels that you are (whether her feelings and justified or not)going to get hurt. This is her way of trying to stop you getting into a bad relationship because she has been in so many in the past.
I went through a very similar thing with my parents because I am the youngest. They didnt want to meet my boyfriends because "no-one was good enough for their baby and all he is going to do is hurt you". Sound familiar at all?
They are trying to protect you in a way that does the exact opposite because it hurts instead. My mum was the worst and when she did meet them, she always took an instant dislike to them and made them feel very uncomforable when they came over.
Eventually I overcame it by sitting my mum and dad down and telling them exactly what they were doing to me. Hurting me, not helping me! Yes, there were LOADS of tears, but they have to let you make your own mistakes, its the only way we learn.You need to sit her down and MAKE her understand!
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