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female
,
anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid,My ex-boyfriend of 2.5 years recently broke up with me because of his stressful job and me not being understanding. Anyways, he wouldn't answer my phone calls for a few days after, and then I would get so sad that I would call him from other phone numbers (for example, my house phone instead of my cell phone) and he would pick up and talk to me. Anyway, this morning I called him and left him a voicemail that said "If it is really over for good, let me know when I can come pick up my things from your apartment" He never responded, which gave me hope that he really didn't want it to be over. Finally, after feeling sad again, I called him and he answered his phone. I asked him when I could come get my things, and he said he doesn't have a day off until Thanksgiving, and he would get ahold of me as to when I can pick up my things that I left there. After hanging up, I wondered why I couldn't just go there some night when he gets out of work a little early and pick them up - why is he making me wait 2 weeks? Do you think he wants to think it over a little more and maybe is thinking about getting back together? And why would he want to prolong the inevitable - why wouldn't he just want to give me back my things and get me out of his life?
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (12 November 2005):
 He might want the time to think things over or maybe he is just putting off an unpleasant event. In any case, you won't know for sure until you go and get your things. What I've noticed in this column is that people are moving in together before their relationships have had time to grow and develop. Living with somebody puts all kinds of little stresses and adjustments on a relationship and if it hasn't had enough time to build a strong foundation it can crumble. Absence does make the heart grow fonder even it just means not being in your lover's face 24-7.
A
female
reader, Forthright +, writes (12 November 2005):
He is certainly sending you mixed messages. It is hard to know what to say without better understanding why you broke up - you weren't understanding of his job can mean you made reasonable demands that he didn't want to fulfil, or that you were unreasonable and he was right to pull away.
You may well be right that he is not entirely ready to walk away - not surprising after two and a half years! But this does not mean he wants to get back together. Be careful not to get swept away by what you want, it is easy to mis-read the signs then, and get hurt more. That isn't the answer you want, I know and I'm sorry.
Re your stuff, I think he is being unreasonable. If he broke up with you, then it is his responsibility to give you back your things. You shouldn't have to even remind him or ask him. He still hasn't even given you a real answer to your question, just a 'wait, i'll get back to you'. That would really annoy me if I were you. It's not right.
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