A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband became controlling and got angry over a body piercing. He repeatedly asked me to leave the house, so I did. Long story short, he didn't call me for 2 weeks, and took half the money out of our shared account, so I got my own place. I had to move across the country to keep my job. I tried to talk to him about it, but he told me "chase the dollar, and that's all you'll have". So I took the job and moved because I was otherwise going to be out of a job. The day I went to get what I could prior to moving, he sat in the chair looking forward and did not speak to me. I didn't know what to say.It has been almost a year, and we are still not divorced. We own a house but he doesn't want to leave it or give me anything at all, nor does he want to buy out my half or talk of any sort of negotiation (the house is in a community property and no-fault state, and yes my name is also on the title). He does not have a job, has not for the duration of our marriage, and is currently living off money he inherited, yet I am still paying for is health and dental insurance because neither state recognizes legal separation and I am not allowed to drop him. I have tried to remain calm and have sent a few emails trying to see if he has filed, but either I get no answer or he is so very hostile and tells me that the world doesn't revolve around me, he'll do it when he's ready. Our few interactions are strange though I try very hard to remain business-like and keep emotions in check. It's obvious that he's angry, but I don't understand if he is so angry why he wants to remain married to me. He has had a girlfriend (which was fine by me and I told him I was happy for him) but was angry that I knew and dumped her when he found out I knew about it. WTF?You may ask why I don't do it. Well, in the particular state where the property and husband are located, I have to file there. If I file in my state (which is also a community property and no-fault), he can move to have the case adjudicated and I am back to square one. He lives less than 5 miles from the court house, has money, and nothing else to do all day. But for me to do it means I have to take time off work, be out the expense of a plane ticket and the filing. Then I would have to return again 20 days later for the court hearing (this particular state requires appearance). I even suggested mediation, but I get no answer from him. During the last phone conversation I had (one of 3 in almost a year) I asked him why he wants to stay married to me. The gist of his answer was "when I am through, then I'll file" and he accusess me of being in a hurry. I still have some items in the house, and when I offered to have them removed, he acted offended and insisted I leave them until I can personally pick them up.I am not trying to take him for a ride, I just want what I am due. Mostly, I want my life back. It's hard living like this. I would like for us to negotiate a settlement because I do think the court is going to hurt him worse than what he thinks.Any advice as to what I should do and why this man just won't file? I realize this is a bizarre situation but I don't know what to do.
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female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (19 December 2008):
 Sweetie, you need to contact a lawyer in the same town where you used to live and get him/her to start proceedings against your husband. It also sounds like your husband is punishing you and is not wanting to file for divorce cos he is probably hoping you will come back to him begging for forgiveness.
You sound like you are ready to move on with your life and I suggest you do just that!
Honeygirl
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2008): And what a looser he is...
sounds like he either want to be apart of your life because he still loves you, or; hes really trying to pee you off and ruine your life.
Go see a lawyer and sort it out once and for all.. you may not end up with anything, but at least you can move on with your life.
Money is only an object, at the end of the day nobody can take it with them... Life is what you make it, you can do more withought money than with it, if your smart.
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A
female
reader, SoftlyCaress  +, writes (19 December 2008):
 Wow sounds like he is just trying to mentally torment you .I would do what I had to do so I could go on with my life it seems to me he has no thoughts about filing so if it does mean you have to do a day off with your job and travel I would probably do it just so you could have peace of mind and be happy again and if the judge hurts him then so be it atleast you tried to be calm and patient about it .....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2008): He's having too much fun punishing you to want to stop now. As long as you show an annoyed/frustrated interest, he can keep entertaining himself with your discomfort.
Talk to a lawyer in the property/husband state, and in yours, and see if there's not something you can do about your situation. It's been long enough, there must be a way to get matters moving without there being a penalty on you - that's what your lawyers would be for, to appear in your place and represent you.
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