| A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hi. My ex boyfriend and I are still in touch, well we are sort of friends- or trying to be. I still care about him, we were together for two and a half years and broke up in October of last year. I know it is not any of my business anymore, but it still irritates me to see him NOT doing anything to finish his masters. He will be 28 in March and has been enrolled in this 2 year course since 2003! I could never convince him to just sit down and finish his thesis! I realize he is only trying to be a good friend, but he always goes way out his way for his friends, while THEY are getting on with their lives, jobs, settling down. Why doesn't he have the sense to do the same? I don't know how to help him and really feel he NEEDS to get his act straight already! Any suggestions? Or should I just tell myself I have no business worrying about it?
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male
reader, xylplxym  +, writes (12 January 2008):
okay so he's having a hard time with his life but you need to understand that you are no longer his girlfriend so you don't need to get yourself worked up about it. That may seem harsh but the truth of the matter is that takes time to become friends again and maybe now is not the time to do that. Also, you seem to have complained about how he hasn't done things the way you'd what him to, so maybe that means you should lay off and let him run his own life for a while.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (11 January 2008):
 Your break up could have some effects on his ambitions. He may have lost the zeal and initiatives. What is there to study anymore when he loves you and now you are no more.
Some guys can go on and wallow in self pity for a long time.He cant drag himself out of that quicksand.He has lost the urge to better himself.
You have tried your very best but you are not strong enough to pull him out.There is nothing more you can do for him.When you left, nothing is important anymore unless you go back to him.
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A
male
reader, 2old4this +, writes (11 January 2008):
 I guess we know why you broke up. If you couldn't handle it as his girlfriend then what makes you think it would be different as his friend. The bottom line is you still have feelings for him like you said and that just means trouble. It sounds like maybe you should tell him why youre not together anymore and maybe if he was to get his act together you would think about talking with him about getting together again. If thats what you want. But if not, then your best bet is to cut ties for a while.
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