A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:So I’m in a new relationship and things are amazing he’s the most amazing man I’ve met. We have such a laugh together and he says he hasn’t felt like this in a long time and we had a mini break together which was fantastic and we message all day every day and he’s the one and he says I am. However there’s this girl she’s absolutely beautiful and she keeps messaging him. He was honest and said they had a thing nothing serious but it went on a few years but it meant nothing to him she was just convienient. I saw her message and she basically admits to having feelings for him and says she wishes it hadn’t ended but she’s happy he’s happy with me but wishes it was her. I shouldn’t of looked but he doesn’t keep his phone hidden and he Told her based on looks he’d be with her and that she’s gorgeous but needed to chill out and told her he prefers me now and he is happy with me. I’m happy he said that but not sure about the looks comment do you think he just doesn’t want to hurt her? The thing also bothering me though is I’ve seen over his shoulder anything she posts on social media he’s straight away watching and she posts a lot. I asked him to block her but he said no there’s no need he’s with me and she’s history and nothing. Why won’t he block her? Also his mates were saying how beautiful she is and his one mate confessed he’s asked her out for dinner but she said no and Told him he’s mental throwing her away and that she was way too good for him (I overheard them) he said yeah she’s stunning and then was boasting how many times he’d slept with her and said he doesn’t regret her and good luck to him because she’s in love him and could have her back at click of his fingers. His mate said she was upset about him and that she had cried to him and he said my boyfriend didn’t deserve her he replied he didn’t care so that’s good right he doesn’t care about her? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2022): You do not own this person. Even if you had been with him for years and married to him you could not tell him what he can and cannot do or who he can speak to. If you trusted him and believed how he feels about the two of you this would not bother you - it takes two to tango, he won't go with her if he loves you. Obviously you doubt that he loves you and is being true to you so this is down to him or you not her
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2022): Let's look at the world of dating through the lens of reality.
If his friend has admitted he asked her out, would he admit it if he thought they were still a thing?
Wouldn't he get angry if he thought his buddies were after her, when he still wants to be with her?
He took it in stride, and didn't seem at all bothered. They gave their opinions about her, that doesn't make what they say fact. They're just a bunch of knuckleheads talking smack. Even they know he's with you, and you're the one he has chosen. If you think she's prettier than you, so what? Maybe she is, but what can anybody do about that? You've got the man! You don't even have to be in the picture. Why go through the effort of committing to you, if he had a better option?
You are an adult, you've likely dated a few guys before you met this one. You probably still have some residual-feelings about guys you've liked in the past; but you are no longer with them, and don't want to be with them anymore. Unless you've had a dry-spell for the past several years before you met this guy; the last man you dated left you some memories that you can't easily erase. You are likely to meet and make a romantic-connection with someone who dated someone better looking than you before they met you. Is he the only attractive man you've ever dated?
He's not contacting her, she's contacting him. Once your relationship is fully established, he will probably block her voluntarily. She was also among his circle of friends, but what they had is over. You'll have to trust him on that.
You have the option to discontinue any relationship you don't feel secure about.
He has to assume you no longer contact guys you used to date, and may have also been intimate with. They may still call-on you from time to time. Just because he hasn't seen any messages from other dudes, doesn't snoop your phone, or have evidence you're still in contact with other guys; doesn't mean you're not. He has to trust you, and believe you when you say you're not. At least you know she contacts him, you know what they say in communication, and he doesn't hide his phone from you. I even suspect he's also aware you're suspiciously looking over his shoulder, and apparently doesn't mind; otherwise, he'd hide when she calls or messages him.
You don't have the right to tell him whom he can or can't contact. He has no right to monitor your contacts either. He doesn't have to block her, if he's no longer interested in her. He can ignore her, or just let her keep trying; until she gives-up. Her looks are your problem, not the fact she contacts your boyfriend. You spy on the guys, and what they say; when you should be minding your own business. Then you'll get more information than you can handle.
If you can't trust him, let him go.
Your relationship is new, and you're in a probationary-period where he is determining if it's going to work or not. He has expressed how he feels about you to her, to you, and to all his friends. Her looks make you insecure. Even if he did block her, you'd still suspect they were secretly in contact; or he still feels something for her.
It seems to me that he's looking for someone he can have feelings for, not just someone to have sex with. Maybe he wants someone genuine and loving; and she apparently didn't meet all his criteria for having a relationship. You'll have to go with that, and build your trust on it. She can't be erased out of existence for the sake of your insecurities.
He won't block her; so your option is to leave him and find somebody else. There is no advice anyone can give you that gives you the right to control who he talks to, or who contacts him. The fact someone is blocked on your phone, does not mean they can't reach you in other ways. At least you know who she is, what she is up to, and where he stands with her. I'd say you're doing pretty good.
Chill!
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (24 October 2022):
 I think that ex's are ex's for a reason, and i think that if he was 100% in to you he would not keep her around, not keep liking her social media, and not keep in contact with her.
How would he feel if you had a hot ex that you kept in contact with, and still flirted with?. My guess is that he would be angry about it and tell you to delete him.
He keep's her around because she is lifting his ego, she turned his mate down for a date, but is still very much into your boyfriend, which is boosting his ego massively, and at the same time hugely disrespectful to you.
keeping in contact with her while dating you is so wrong on so many levels, and he is all to aware of this as well. Which brings me back to the question if he was 100% into you would he be doing this?. The answer to that question is a big fat NO.
You should not have to put up with this, save your self from future heartache and ditch him.
I totally agree with Honeypies last sentence.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (24 October 2022):
 Two things OP
1. It's not up to you to "demand" who he can talk to and who he can not. The same goes for blocking. Just as HE can not demand you stop talking to anyone or that YOU block anyone.
2. If he can treat HER this way, don't you think he can treat you the same? At some point? You are no more "special" than she.
"he doesn’t regret her and good luck to him because she’s in love him and could have her back at click of his fingers."
How fucking callous!
Right now you are his #1 but there are no guarantees in life and who knows maybe YOU are also "Ms. Right Now" and not just "Ms. Right for Him". Words are just words, OP.
He isn't blocking her because SHE is still stroking his ego. He is enjoying that this ex is still so stuck on him. He is enjoying that a stunning woman is heartbroken over being dumped by him. He doesn't care. Doesn't care about her or you to the extent that he doesn't want to block her so that YOU can feel more secure in the relationship because the ATTENTION and GRATIFICATION he gets out of keeping her around outweigh his feelings for you.
You need to take your rose-colored glasses off. He doesn't sound amazing at all. He sounds like a prick with a big ego who is so full of himself.
He is good with words because you seem to think that his treating another woman like that must mean he cares MORE about you than her. It doesn't. It means he cares about one person, himself.
A GOOD and AMAZING partner would UNDERSTAND that talking to an ex and keeping her around for a backup (because that is what it sounds like he is doing) or keeping her around so SHE can't move on (which it ALSO sounds like) all while have YOU feel somewhat like a second choice which keeps OYU on your toes feeling a bit insecure about the situation and like you somehow OWE this guy something because he "picked you" over a more gorgeous looking girl.
An amazing partner would realize that talking to this ex is not going to help his current relationship become strong and healthy. YOU shouldn't HAVE to ASK him to block her. He should know to do so on his own volition.
I don't know what to tell you OP.
I don't think he is your knight in shining armor - he sounds like a turd in tinfoil.
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