A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Nine months ago, my married man left his wife of 3 years. He said he did it for me, which I never asked of him and I don't believe he did, I think I was just an excuse. He moved in with me for 2 months and moved out again and now shares a house with his mate a mile away from his wife and daughter. I see him Sunday-Wednesday as he is with his mates Thursday and Saturday and his daughter on a friday. I have told him I am finishing with him because I am sick of him not making any time for me on weekends and he says I am trying to make him choose between his mates/daughter and me. But he will not accept it and keeps bothering me. Why won't he just accept that it's over and listen to what I am saying?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2011): Alright. This is a mess. All over the place.
1: The kids ALWAYS come first. So this isn't about that. Kid time is non-negotiable.
So... 2: It's about you and his friends competing for time, which is common. Now, assuming it's impossible to have you and his friends in the same place at the same time, it becomes a matter of priorities and time budgeting. Also the entire choice aspect is weird. Can't he hang out with his friends on some Saturdays, but not all? People in relationships have to work out their schedules together, but they are not set in stone except for given plans, set ahead of time (See 1). I've got a girlfriend, and friends, and work. Yes, time is tight sometimes, but if you are creative it'll work out.
3: Really, really think about this relationship. How healthy of a beginning could it have had in the midst of a marriage? And ponder what it says about you that you never asked him, even, to leave his wife. This guy sounds kinda douchy and you sound like you need to reconsider your approach. Also, if a man with a kid, work (presumably), a girlfriend, and an ex-wife is making time with his drinkin buddies a priority, there is something altogether fishy otherwise.
Cheers.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2011): You are feeling the pinch now just like his wife did!Is he really divorced? How sure are u that he is not cheating on you as well. I am sure you are sick with worry trying to figure out what he is up to when he is not with you.This man owes you no explanation. He is free to do as he pleases and he does. Be careful u don't start acting like a nagging wife, and you do know that cheating hbs hate a nagging wife.You are all hot air, you want to make him come running back to you with your ultimatum. Honey you will find that there is a difference being a mistress and then being in a proper relationship with a married man. Most often than not the new relationship just never is cemented. Once the affair tried to settle into a normal relationship, cracks appear, boredom sets in and that excitement fades. Seems like this is what happened in yours.If you want out, then just do it and stick to the decision. Or else you will go down like his wife. Not a pleasant feeling now, isn't it?LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, ashley187  +, writes (9 February 2011):
 He seems content with the way things are and just like he used you as an excuse to not feel bad about leaving his wife, he is not using that as an excuse to not feel bad about your break up. Change your number if you have to, but break it off. Not worth it.
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (9 February 2011):
Sounds like he wants a more relaxed and casual relationship, whereas you want a more commited relationship. Don't know why you can't be living together and he can still see his friends, and his daughter? Does he feel you stop him from doing this?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (9 February 2011):
 Agreed, he's not listening because he doesn't have to.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2011): Because he prefers the current set-up of your relationship and you may complain and threaten a bit about not liking it but in the end you go along. If it was unacceptable to you then you wouldn't be in the situation!
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