A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A little while ago, I had sex with someone. I'd only ever has sex with one other person before this. My first "lover" was my ex. During the act, we did not really kiss or look at each other. Or talk much. Even when I lost my virginity to him, he didn't really say anything. Once we became regularly active, we'd normally do one round, sometimes two. They didn't last too long. Maybe ten or fifteen minutes? Less perhaps. He would get off. Then it would be over. I was normally never completely naked, for whatever reason. And whatever clothes did come off almost immediately went back on after we were done.Conversely, this recent person and I are not dating. But he isn't a stranger. We were kind of close in the past and keep contact in the present. When we had sex, it began with touches then kisses and then him carrying me on his body into his bedroom while kissing, literally like that scene from the Notebook. Then he laid me on the bed and we helped each other disrobe. Then he picked me up again and carried me on his body to walk across the room to get a condom. We had one round. But it lasted an hour and a half. That alone blew me away. Is that normal? He refused to get off unless I did and talked to me throughout about what felt good for me and what I wanted. And we actually looked at each other as we had sex. In the eyes. Which was new to me. And we kissed. He also kissed me on the forehead twice and let me squeeze his hand. We were both completely naked, too and walked around naked afterward. The differences in the experiences were mind blowing to me. I'm not sure how to interpret the differences. Why was the sex so different and which one is normal?
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condom, kissing, lost my virginity, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2016): GIRRRRRRL, dont let that second guy go. Hes a keeper =P
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (28 January 2016):
 Agree agree agree agree.
But, perhaps because I'm just in a mood, I want to answer your questions with questions.
Do you know what you prefer now?
Will you accept less in future relationships?
Congratulations on a great experience.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (28 January 2016):
 Like the hundreds of ways to make a cake, there are many different styles of lovers in this world.
Being that this is your second "love" you can definitely tell there is a difference.
A lot of it has to do with emotional connection. Your current partner sounds like he enjoys giving pleasure -- as much as he enjoys receiving it. He may also be a lot more experienced and can sense what pleases you. On the other hand, your previous partner sounds a bit on the selfish side and perhaps not a very affectionate lover.
Personally, I don't think there such a thing as normal in this case. Much like personalities, we find a lover that meets our tastes and preferences and go with it. If there is something you like, encourage him to do it. Something that doesn't feel right or uncomfortable, then be up front about it.
Sex can be a little like a good back rub. There are certain spots that just feel awesome and others that don't do anything for you.
Personally, as long as you are getting what you need out the act, I would consider that "normal".
Eddie
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (27 January 2016):
 It would be naive to claim that one is "normal" and the other not ("normal").....
Everybody might be different.... and $*x is somewhat like fishing. WHO KNOWS what bait will work? .... when is the correct tide? ... what is the best water temperature????
You've now had TWO such experiences.... one, which you imply was your preferred.... and, the other, which you - apparently - found to not be very satisfying....
What you now have is a decision before you...
Pursue whichever you prefer... and try to avoid the other...
Good luck.... (and good $*x)!!!!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 January 2016):
 There isn't such a thing as "normal" sex. It depends from person to person.
I think your first lover was a lazy and maybe inexperienced one, and your second one a much better and definitely more creative and relaxed lover.
Just like people enjoy different things when it comes to food, the same goes for sex.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 January 2016):
 There is no normal way for sex. Everybody is different and enjoys different things. It sounds to me like both you and your ex where quite inexperienced and therefore it was straight to intercourse and that was it. Your ex sounds like he was a selfish lover if he never satisfied you in the long run.
As for the second guy well he sounds much more experienced in the bedroom department. On average sexual intercourse itself lasts between 3 to 7 minutes, off course every man is different. Things like alcohol or drugs can prolong intercourse in a man.
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