A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:He should have just told me that he had some issues to work out with her and I would have stepped aside. I didn't even want to get involved at first but HE'S the one who pursued me... HARD! He talked about the future with me and made plans for us just yesterday! Then he says he really likes me and I'm literally perfect but he's going back to his ex because they share a young child. He said they broke up six months ago but apparently, he's been working things out with her and sweet talking to me at the same time. But they didn't make it work the first time so what makes him think it will work the second time around? I can't stop crying, I feel so stupid and heartbroken and don't know what to do with myself right now
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broke up, heartbroken, his ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2019): It’s painful to say but actions speak louder than words you can never trust with someone says you have to see what they actually do and that something is developed over a lot of time... it sounds horrible now; but you probably dodged a bullet and save yourself a hell of a lot of pain in the long run sounds like a lame guy
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2019): It appears he may have used you as a backup-plan, as well as leverage; to get his ex back. He used an ages-old tactic of letting her know she has competition; and if things just didn't workout for them, you were going to be his second-choice. He more than likely played her jealousy against her.
You have to own a little of the responsibility yourself. You should have considered how fresh his breakup was...only six months! Will you get-over him in six months?
It takes time to get-over someone. Men avoid their pain by finding something to distract ourselves. Sometimes guys seek seek temporary replacements on the rebound; while they workout their post-breakup emotions, grief, trauma, and confusion. Some men get quite spiteful; and deliberately set-out to break someone's heart, to appease their own anger and resentment.
They have vengeance-sex, for something to take-back to their exes to let them know they can find another woman as easily as losing one! That this will be the consequence of letting him go, he'll just sleep around.
There is also a child involved in this equation. His ex knows she's holding all the cards!
Pulling you into this mess is totally unfair, and deliberately deceptive. He had every intention of going back to her; but he selfishly made sure he covered his own pain and satisfied his needs during his attempts to reconcile his old relationship.
Stop crying. Be an adult, and deal with this like a grown-woman. Reconciliations rarely workout, because people don't change overnight. He dragged you into his drama, and thinks you'll be waiting as a standby if things don't workout.
Let me tell you how it will end; if you decide to play the dummy and take him back after he dumped you!
He still has a child with his ex. She is going to use that child as her pawn. Breaking her heart twice and going back to the same woman he had before they reconciled; is going to ignite such a fierce scorn, that neither of you will be able to escape it. She will ever be the thorn in his side!
You will also feel the full-scale of her wrath; and she will make both your lives miserable. You will become a part of a vicious triangle; getting your heart dragged through the whole mess!
Cry your last tear, and get on with your life. Have nothing more to do with him!!! Or, dive back into the baby-mama drama! You'll regret it!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 June 2019):
 Because he knows that you MIGHT stick about to have his "sloppy seconds".
Just because he pursued you HARD, doesn't mean he FEELS deeply or CARE deeply for you. It probably just means he is ensuring that he gets companionship and sex from 2 women. You can also be used to "show" the ex how easily she is replaced.
Either way, OP
You don't want a guy to jerk you around like this.. do you?
And if you don't CUT him off. BLOCK, DELETE and REMOVE all access.
The LONGER you let this continue the more you are HURTING yourself. And the longer you are preventing yourself from MEETING an ACTUAL good guy. This isn't it.
Say Adios! to him... HIS loss.
And stop crying for this loser, you can do better and deserve better, OK?
But TREAT yourself better as well. That means guys like this? Nope, don't hang on to them... they are NO good.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (7 June 2019):
 Why? Because he is one of those men who cannot bear to be alone. You were his back-up plan in case things didn't work out with the mother of his child.
You ask a perfectly sensible question about it working out the second time around. Don't be at all surprised if it doesn't work out and he gets back in contact. Hopefully you will have more sense than to allow yourself to be used as a Plan B again.
You deserve better. Go and find it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2019): The pull of his child and doing what is right for him/her and possibly that being the mother of his child means he has a bond that he can't let go ofIt might not work out for them but it might, the very fact he was only sweet talking you all along i interpret he was keeping his options openNot sure why you feel 'stupid' you did nothing wrong other than believe it was over. It is going to take time but you know now and there isn't a moral to the story, you trusted him and he feels the pull to reconciling with his ex. Out of curiosity how long was you together, you say they broke up six months ago so if you was together a few months it was a rebound and men are far more likely to jump into another relationship than womenI was only thinking today how rebound relationships rare work, he never had time to move on from her, you just have to accept it has happened but be more aware of what may happen in the future, he may have just been trying to move on from her the best way he could and you was the one caught up in the crossfireChin up, you are not stupid x
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