A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,Please I need your advice and opinion about what I have been through in the last 2 weeks. It is about me and a guy at work. I am so confused it's making me ill. So I have to get this off my chest so prepare your self for lots of details.We met a month ago as a work project was assigned to each one of us from our departments.We act in a formal way in the workplace. Most of our communication is by phone and few text messages. We just met 3 times during work meetings. We chat, flirt (a little). You can say that at this stage we are just getting to know each other. We enjoy each others company and we confide some personal matters with each other. He also sends signals that he is into me. He told me that he is single.Last week, at work I received a call from a girl wanting to discuss my feelings towards him, claiming that my colleague (the same guy) told her that I have feelings towards him. She threatened me to keep away from him as they were both in a long committed relationship.I told him about the incident. He was crossed and apologized. He assured me that he is not in a relationship and that he feels responsible about what happened. He said he will found out who is the rat and the girl who called.We both were stunned about what happened because our private chats are always late at night. And both of us were discreet about our relationship.(it is not even a relationship yet! we only like each other at this stage). After couple of days I texted him, asking If anything new happened. He replied back saying "Please I don't want to talk and forget about it".I never thought I would ever receive such a reply. So I texted saying "I will forget about it if this girl will leave me alone! Today another thing happened at work and it's not just a phone call.He replied: "Please forget about it, I don't want to discuss anything with you and keep what we have between us only work.I'm still in shock about what happened. What a harsh reply. My final reply was: I have every right to ask you about it since I'm involved and thank you very much for your concern, and not for bothering to even ask about what happened to me and why am I upset today. If you think that by avoiding me you will keep me out of trouble, then just say so. About keeping what we have between us just work, I have always treated you with respect and like a worthy colleague.I didn't receive anything after that. All this happened on Sunday. The following day my supervisor asks me to get in touch with him to inquire about something as she needs his response as soon as possible (talk about the perfect timing! just when I've decided not initiate any contact after what happened.) So I called him but there was no answer.I texted him addressing him with his professional title asking him to get back to me or to directly contact my supervisor as she urgently awaits his reply about the server.I tired my best to send him the message that I'm not trying to come up with any excuse to contact you and it's my supervisor. Therefore you can contact her directly If you don't want to talk to me. That is fine by me.He didn't call back that day or the day after. So I had to call him again yesterday, still he won't pick up. Last night I texted him asking him to please get back to me or my supervisor mentioning that it will only take 5 minutes of his valuable time and If it was up to me I wouldn't have called because I'm still crossed with him.This morning I received a call form his department's secretary telling me that she is contacting me on behalf of (him) as he is will be working off location and can't get in touch with me. (No comment. Even an idiot can tell that it’s a lame and silly excuse for not wanting to talk to someone)As expected she couldn't give me a confirmed answer on the subject so she passed my inquiry to him and then she got back to me with his reply.(Adding a middle person between us just to avoid talking to me.......what a professional way of communication between colleagues.)I don't know what to think of all this anymore. I still have dozens of unanswered questions on my mind. My friend says since nobody else knows about us then he might have asked a friend to call and find out how I really feel and what I would say if someone confronts me about my feelings. I really want to know why this sudden change in his behavior? What's with all this avoidance even during work?Does he really like me? Or he is not that into me? Did he change his mind and decided not to date to avoid problems that may surface and affect his work position? Is he trying not get me into any trouble because of his messed up ex? And he thinks this in the right solution to the problem? Did he get back with his ex (which he dumped long time ago) and she asked him to stop talking to me? I really miss him. I don't know what do to? Personally or professionally :(
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at work, flirt, his ex, text, workplace Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2009): seems like the work colleague/potential love interest was actually a cheating rat. his gf found out about you two and confronted you and him. he is in deep deep trouble and he is trying everything to ensure you do not have "contact' again. he has been busted and cannot face you. i think his long standing gf smelled a rat, investigated and then confronted.
A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (21 August 2009):
 The dude was lying about being single. How did she get your work number in the first place, hmm? She probably went through his phone and found it. Then when he got caught out there, he lied and dropped you like a Hot Pocket. His girlfriend probably read him the riot act and that's why he's not talking to you anymore.
Forget him. He's a loser. He thought he could get some booty on the low without his girlfriend knowing.
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A
female
reader, devastated2008 +, writes (21 August 2009):
 To me it sounds like he is involved in a committed relationship that he apparently values enough to give up his flirtation with you.I can understand your frustration with the situation but you said it was just flirtation not even a relationship so why are you getting this upset? And to be honest if I was in his shoes and you were getting this freaked out over me not calling you... I would have serious doubts about you.I don't think he is protecting you. I think he has decided to drop you because he is still with his "ex". My advice is don't give him the satisfaction of seeing you upset, act nonchalant about it all and look hot everytime you go to work-be very professional and definitely find someone else to flirt with.
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