A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing a man for 8 weeks and he just finished the relationship. He fell in love with me in two weeks and i said it was too fast. He said he had found the one, he spoke about moving in one day in the future when we were ready and that one day he wanted us to marry. He met my teenagers who loved him said he loved them and the family unit and we made him feel so comfortable. we were so compatible sexually but also personality wise. we had fun he was very affectionate and lovin. then all of a sudden he stopped contacting me for over a day when he had been communicating all day prior to this. I asked what was wrong and he said he didnt want to hurt me but he didnt love me in the way i want him too! and that he thinks he screwed up and it was just lust!Im hurting obviously, but im more in shock. The whole duration of the relationship was him rushing the luv, rushing the commitment talking endlessly about our future and how much he loves me and how i am the only woman he has ever been able to be himself with.Why did he do this? I cannot work it out.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (22 July 2009):
 I think you're wasting your time trying to apply logic to his behavior. He's not a mature man, if he falls "in love" in 2 weeks. You barely have time to learn how he takes his coffee in 2 weeks! He was rushing the feeling because of some void, some need in his psyche. It wasn't so much that he was "in love" with you, it was that he was "in love" with the idea of what you represented. There was some fantasy he was living out. When reality intervened, as it invariably does, and that doesn't match the fantasy, he thinks it's reality that's at fault. When in fact, it is the fantasy that's to blame.
[I also have an idea that he was a potential abuser, and when it became clear that you wouldn't be a good victim, he moved on. I could be very wrong here, but read this (item number 2 in particular): http://www.mental-health-matters.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=171 (you'll have to copy/paste that whole address to get the full url)
Let it go, you honestly are better off without such an emotionally immature, unstable man in you and your children's lives. Focus instead on your positives, your wonderful qualities and don't let this be a blow to your self-esteem. In other words, the problem is HIM, not you.
Take care.
A
female
reader, scarredkitty  +, writes (22 July 2009):
 To be honest, I don't know if my reply will help you whatsoever. I'm a teenager almost adult, but the situation is very much like a teenage boy who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar.
Either he did something that made him doubt himself and made himself feel guilty and pushing you away because of it or he did it on purpose to gain something from you or to use you. Either way, it might be better if you don't ask him but I wouldn't say that you shouldn't ask him. Try to meet him in person and talk about it.
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