A
male
age
41-50,
*hathappened?
writes:i've been engaged to a girl for almost 2 years now and we we're supposed to get married this summer...about a month ago she tells me she doesn't want to get married and that she's afraid it's not the right time. Later on she says she's afraid I'm not the right one. along with all of this we have stopped having sex for the last 2 months, there is NO affection, we kiss each other the way a parent would kiss their kids. when i do go in to kiss her she turns her cheek to me. she also has separated from our phone plan and now has her own, always texting and all of a sudden doesn't want to do anything with me anymore. when she moved in with me, we didn't do anything without the other and I don't know whether to think she just needs her space or if she is getting her space with another guy. I even saw a strange number on my bill and the number was calling her and her calling them at times she's usually asleep. I called the number and of course it was a guy and he said they were only friends, I confronted her about it and she said the same thing. I still don't buy it. what can I do?
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male
reader, whathappened? +, writes (24 August 2009):
whathappened? is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys for the input. I got out and started seeing a new chick this summer and now my ex-fiance is either hurt or pissed that I'm seeing someone else. When I moved out I was still unsure of what to do and I even told her I would move back home and break my new lease if she wanted to work on it and she wanted nothing of it. The last 2 weeks before I moved she tried making things the way they were before all of the bullshit but something just didn't feel right to me. I tried for weeks working on it and she wouldn't talk about anything and then all of a sudden two weeks before I moved she started trying to get everything back in gear....It felt wierd and it felt like it was a last minute effort that was just too late. During the weeks I would beg to talk about stuff she never had time or was just busy with her friends to talk to me about things. Then like I said, right before I left she made a halfhearted effort, like she was in denial that I was really going to leave.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): it sounds like she has met someone else and has gotten cold feet about your wedding. i'm sorry to say this but i think you should call off the wedding and move out and let her go. she is probably cheating on you.
i think it is terrible when people do this, it's very selfish and she is not someone you would want to marry if it's the case she's cheating, especially if you are engaged. some people just want to have it all and don't care about others' feeling involved.
sorry man, that is a bummer, but at least you are finding this out before you got married!
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A
female
reader, Ke' +, writes (19 April 2009):
 sometimes it hurts a woman to have to tell a guy the truth and he still dont believe her.If you investigate and keep bugging about it,she'll realize you have no trust for her. let her do what she do, because if she is telling a lie, the lie will stab her in the back.Dont do anything about it, leave it be for a while. It seems she probably talkd to that guy about her feelings towards everything,that she think she cant tell you.I know i felt that way. But becareful and show her she can tell you anything let her know.Because feelings for another guy may occur, it all happened to me because i felt he was there for me when i needed someone to talk to.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2009): It all seems a little fishy to me. I would investigate a little further into this if I were you. It seems like she is trying to distance herself from you for sure. If you need concrete proof and her and the guy wont admit it then follow her, or have her followed. Or pick up her phone one day and look at the texts, Chances are where there's smoke, there's fire. I am sorry that you are dealing with this! Best of luck...J
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