A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My daughter is 19. She has had at least 10 sexual partners that I know of. Am I out of touch for feeling that this is excessive? We have good communication, what is going on? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, xanthic +, writes (15 September 2010):
 I personally think that's too many for someone of her age, but as always, everything depends on the circumstances. I feel people are entitled to do whatever they like, as long as it isn't bringing harm to anyone, herself included.
A
male
reader, jdrocks +, writes (15 September 2010):
 Hey Dancinginthedark., There is no double standard here. If it was my son, I would be concerned just as much. A lot of harm comes out of excess. Male or female! Does that answer your question???
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A
female
reader, sarahrose20  +, writes (15 September 2010):
i agree with honeypie and cerberus she is probably looking for some sort of effection and is confused as to the difference between sex and love however her being 19 does change things. shes an adult now and you can stress your concern but you cannot stop or control her at all wether shes living with you or not.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 September 2010):
 Personally I'm 41 and I have had 4 sexual partner my whole life... so 10 at 19 seems like a lot to me.
MANY young women feel a need to feel loved and unfortunately society today is telling the young people that having as much sex as you can is being "liberated"..
Maybe she thinks sex=love?
I would talk to her without judgement.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2010): It depends on how your daughter is with these guys, is she getting used, is she sleeping with these guys because she wants the attention, is she free and easy, is she just a person that likes to have a lot of sex, or is she actually trying in relationships with these guys and they just haven't worked out?
It's only an excessive amount of sex if it's for the wrong reasons. If she enjoys it and is doing it just to get her jollies then it's not. You don't say whether she was in relationships with these guys or when she started having sex or anything, so it's impossible to gauge.
If it was 10 sexual partners in the last few months then yeah that would be excessive and may indicate s problem, but then again it might not. It could be her just letting her hair down in college.
As her father all you have to worry about is her health and happiness, as long as she's protected against STD's, pregnancy and is happy to keep doing what she's doing then you have nothing worry about.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2010): Maybe this is the expression of a lack of appropriate parental love? Maybe she's been trying to find love to fill a gaping hole in her heart? Maybe she was sexually assaulted as a young person and this is how the pathology is playing out?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2010): So when she was 13, you talked about... what? What did you talk about with her?
You of course since she was young let her know what you and your wife's expectations were? That you felt that it was better to have fewer sexual partners or only one ever, that she should try to keep a low number of sexual partners?
She's an adult and can make her own decisions now. It's up to her what to do with her own body and her choice as to how many sexual partners she will have. In fact, it's none of your business now. Whether or not you feel it's excessive is now irrelevant. Your work and your message should have been communicated many years ago. If you are only showing up now as a concerned parent, well, frankly, you are out of touch and out of date. Sorry for that.
If you did communicate your expectations well, and she chose to ignore them, then that's her choice as an adult. She might think that you should stop smoking. Or that you weigh too much. Perhaps your cholesterol is a mess and you haven't had that colonoscopy and your annual physical. Maybe you can't walk a half a block before you are out of breath. Maybe that's more of a concern than what you are worried about. Maybe you are shortening your life because you eat very badly. Maybe you are now feeling upset and threatened because what you do with your body and your life is no one else's business.... oh wait, that's what she might be saying.
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (14 September 2010):
 Maybe she's a sex addict. Either that, or she's extremely insecure which means she readily suggests sex from guys she barely knows, and afterwards they want nothing to do with someone they don't have to work to get. Can you talk to her about her behavior?...She might take the advise of someone who is wiser than she is.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (14 September 2010):
 No, I feel that teens are way too sexually energized these days. Most people think my magic number is high being in the double digits and I'm 25. So to me 10 at 19 years old does sound high, however I have no room to judge. Have you had that father-daughter chat of where guys are only after what's between your legs? My dad sat me down at 18 and I walked away with some information also being slightly more educated on males. Do make sure she is on a form of birth control and that her partner is using a condom every time.
"No glove, no love". It's not too late to have that chat, trust me some of the info will stick.
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A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark +, writes (14 September 2010):
 I have a question. If your daughter was a boy, would you even be asking this?
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