A
female
age
51-59,
*anta
writes:Hi again to readers who have given great advice re the Sydney internet guy.I haven't made the trip to Sydney and have decided that all he wants to do is to use me.I have accepted that, as hard as it is over the last week. When I text him last week and said I was available he didn't seem that keen. Now that I have stopped texting he is texting again. He said if I start to do what he wants he might give me more if I come to Sydney. Ie : Dinner and going out etc. I don't believe him and think he is dangling carrots and that if he was legitimate about me that he would be trying to meet some of my needs now, not just in Sydney. What is his problem?? What is his agenda?? What does he want from me?He text me tonight and said it's time for your Thursday night arse fucking. I ignored him and left my phone in my car to help me to avoid texting him back.Why the hell am I finding this guy so hard to resist when he offers me nothing. I hate myself for feeling this way re a guy that wants nothing than to use me and I'm sick of fighting against myself to check out my phone.What is wrong with me. I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Is going on Skype and fucking arse a form of self-harm? I'm sorry to say that despite not getting my phone out of my car that I am know feeling angry at present and despite the positive step of not looking at my phone that I have instead had a bit of a relapse into pulling my hair out. I suffer with Trichtillomania and see this as a form of self harm too. I'm feeling angry that despite my strength in resisting looking at my phone and texting back I have made a bald patch in my head tonight. Sorry for the story but I don't know how to put a lid on this terrible stupid side of myself. I see a Psychologist and a Psychiatrist. Please help. Thank-you. I'm feeling quite desperate at the moment.
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (3 September 2010):
Hi there. As I haven't seen your first posting, I don't know all the details.
Have you only met him on the internet as a "chat" contact, OR have you actually met face to face?
If you haven't met him in person, beyond the chat room, well then it's possible that he is either married or in a relationship with someone and is simply using the chat room situation to spice up his relationship. Have you considered that? A lot of people on the internet who visit chat rooms lie through their teeth. Or if they don't actually tell a lie, might lie by omission - not saying they are already involved in a committed relationship. Of course they wouldn't say it because they wouldn't get to chat with anyone.
My guess is he might either be involved in some kind of relationship or is bored with his life generally, so is trying to make it more interesting by visiting these chat sites for a bit of novelty factor. The unknown quantity.
If I were you, I wouldn't be texting him or answering his texts to you either. He seems to be just entertaining himself even with the text thing. While there is no face to face contact, it's all a bit of a fantasy and not real. This is probably what attracts you both to each other. The complete mystery of it all.
It's all happening in a kind of bubble, and to actually make arrangements to meet each other, would burst that bubble. You meet and you might'nt be the slightest bit attracted to each other in the cold light of day. And apart from the lack of attraction, you might not even like each other when you get to talk face to face. These things are only ever interesting while they remain mysterious. Once a meeting is set up, the mystery is gone and reality sets in.
I believe you are getting stressed out over the never getting to meet in person. And even if you did meet, it probably wouldn't live up to your expectations anyway. What a big disappointment! Perhaps it's best to just let it remain a mystery and DON'T make arrangements to meet. Simply let it fade away.
Instead, try and make your own life as interesting and exciting as it can be, to the point where you won't have a need to go to chat rooms to have conversations with complete strangers about whatever you can think of to say. Also, start making some "real" friends - the ones you actually go and visit and talk and laugh with, face to face. Nothing beats real friends you are sitting in the same room with.
If you haven't already, find some interesting hobbies to begin that will make your life a lot more fulfilling. You will meet new people. It will also take your mind off this man who is giving you so much grief. He is really not worth the trouble he's causing you.
Unfortunately, modern technology - the internet and texting on mobiles - has often made us all lazy, and we have sometimes stopped making so many phone calls and started texting friends instead. It's also less meaningful because of it's limitations.
Try to start calling your friends on the phone instead of texting. Get to know them all over again. Go out and have coffee and cake and just enjoy life. Getting out in the fresh air is good for the soul.
For the stress you sometimes feel, a great way to deal with it is to exercise. Walking is very relaxing and you get a good workout as well. During walking, your thoughts will come and go and it can often be really therapeutic mentally. You only need to walk at a comfortable, medium pace for about 30 minutes. Whenever you are feeling uptight go for a walk, it WILL calm you I promise. Generally speaking, go for a walk about 3 times a week at least. You can walk every day if you like, it's a great anytime exercise. When exercising regularly, you'll feel calmer generally and you will also sleep more soundly.
The most important thing to realize, is that you deserve better. You need to believe in yourself and not accept crap from anyone. Don't allow anyone to take you for granted or treat you badly. Just don't go there.
Hope this helps you. Take care and best wishes.
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