A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello I'm another bloke who not so good at understanding women.Met up with group of fiends about 3 weeks ago who had not seen in over 4 years,as I had moved away.One of them I had softspot for before but she was only 18 - could not say or do anything (I am a few years older than her). she also was very affectioate to me.Now she is in 20's and since hooking up again - the soft spot I have for her is making itself apparent to me again.We have been talking on phone and on messenger and both of us have been very keen to meet up again.She did probe into whether I have any special lady friends - on 3 occassions. I weakoned and told her my fondness for her. I thought she may be shocked or upset but she said it was not a problem.We have talked about going to movies/cinema and i told her she may get my undue affections which she repleid that it would be the other way around.We met up for the day last week, which seemed to go well, we spent ours tucked away in an empty pub, talking and playing pool.I tried to express my feelings for her, I took her hand in mine called her by her name -her face lit up, but I botched it, after build up i bottled it and changed subject. When I left her, I am sure somethng was bothering her.I sent a text following day teling her that 'I wish i had taken her in my arms and told her how i felt, and if she did not feel same way then i would know'.I got a text in the day saying ' best ignore your last text' so ok she does not feel same.We chatted on messenger that evening (as what has come to be usual over past few weeks). I apologised if i had embarrased her but she insisted not a problem. Something happened during that convesation though no idea what and she disappeared. Did not see her online, tried calling her on mobile, texting her thinking that she was bothered after all, trying to say that yes I do have a soft spot fore her but i can put it to back off my mind, she got several texts and voice messages to this effect.I then got a text from a freind of hers saying she was fed up with the texts.She has since left me an offline message on mesenger and started conversations with me again as though nothing happened. OK get picture she just wants to be freinds but why the black out and why so anoyed with texts aimed to reassure her?
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (15 August 2008):
 Your big clue was the 'best ignore the last text'; she just didn't want to talk about it. At all. And by texting and leaving messages to try to explain, you weren't ignoring it. So maybe it's a bit cold of her not to want to discuss it, but women are trained from birth to be nice and polite and not to hurt people's feelings.
Maybe she decided that she wasn't attracted to you after all and didn't want to hurt you by saying that to you directly. It happens to women of all ages. There seems to be no graceful way to deflect the 'crush' by another. Here's the most current example:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/any-ideas-on-how-to-let-him-down.html
As q1605 suggests, just be patient and remain her friend. Eventually she may be willing to discuss what happened, but don't spend too much time worrying about it right now.
Sorry you were rejected, stinks, doesn't it? But at least you tried; you would have regretted NOT trying more, I think. Better luck next time.
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