A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My wife has had a lot of sexual experience! Tons of boys as a teen, and I know what she did in bed with her ex husband. But... with me? It's plain ol' sex. Why? I want the things other men got. Is it because she is getting older? Am I boring? I have great stamina. I always put her happy ending(S) first. The topic of sex is so taboo. I don't get it. Feeling confused. I don't know my own wife sexually. What can I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2010): most replies here are unjustifiably harsh!
the OP is entitled to experience sexual freedom and sexual fulfilment with his wife. that she choses not to is the problem.
For me, and i have read all his heartbreaking discoveries here on DC, this man has been given the pittance in sexual gratification from his wife.
time to make some drastic changes, old boy, time to make some changes!!!!!!!!!
-LoveGirl
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2010): "Second, I here a touch of what I hear from kids I've babysat when they think one kid got more ice cream. I want this because he's got it and I haven't."Okay, so from now on, try giving your child an extra scoop of ice cream every time he or she misbehaves, and giving them less ice cream every time they do what they are told. See how well that works. You say this man is being childish. I say this man is trying to figure out why a child would treat him more fairly than his wife does.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (18 October 2010):
 "It's plain ol' sex. Why? I want the things other men got."
First off, what's wrong with "plain ol' sex?" Isn't sex fun even if she's not doing whatever crazy thing it was she did with her ex? Second, I here a touch of what I hear from kids I've babysat when they think one kid got more ice cream. I want this because he's got it and I haven't. But you haven't even talked to your wife about WHY she's not doing it with you. Doing kinky things to your wife isn't a reward for good behavior. She may have done it with an ex, but maybe she was pressured into it, or maybe she hated it and doesn't wish to try it again. Either way, you need to talk to her. She may only have done it with an ex because he requested it and it wasn't necessarily something she'd add in entirely because she wanted it, but she could be willing.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (18 October 2010):
 Your feelings are completely natural and normal. Unfortunately, there is no easy fix for this.
Age may have something to do with it, but it may also be her level of attraction to you. Is the plain ol' sex happening on a frequent basis? Is she loving and affectionate outside of the bedroom? Does she show you all the love and respect you feel you deserve? Is she rarely bored, listless, or irritable?
If so, it's probably age, and there's no good way to fix it. Her hormones will be in menopausal flux, leaving her sex drive unpredictable and, more importantly, very difficult to change through your own words and actions.
If there are issues outside the bedroom, it means your wife is just not as attracted to you as she was to them. She sees you more as a safe, provider-type guy than as a real lover. The good news is that this is easier to fix. Dominant, traditional-male-leadership behavior will reignite her attraction to you, in bed and out. This implies no disrespect - quite the opposite; it means requiring the respect you deserve from others, especially your wife.
It may take a while to change her perception of you that way; you've got to compete retroactively with all her past lovers through the lens of nostalgia. This is one reason I strongly advise people not to marry anyone with a promiscuous past. But it's not impossible.
Whichever it is, good luck.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (18 October 2010):
 I've found that any issues surrounding sex are best discussed as soon as possible...It's an awkward subject to approach but tell her you just want to know what's going on and point out what you want and see if you can both find middle ground. Perhaps she's going through menopause? I've read on articles on here that it can kill your sex drive. Or maybe she can't bend into those karma sutra poses anymore.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (18 October 2010):
 Talk to you wife, ask her the questions you have asked here!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2010): sex with my ex husband was boring,my new partner back then open up a new meaning to the sex world for us and it just got better with every thing we experienced together it was amazing your obviously not compatiable in the bedroom
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2010): This is only a theory so bear with me...I have a friend who was very kinky with an ex, and now, in love with a man-she confesses to me that she wants no more kinky things because she feels sex should be more "pure" with someone she really loves. But, perhaps for your wife, getting older has something to do with it. Perhaps she's decided to put the experimenting and wild days behind her. I don't think it has anything to do with you.
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