A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend never finishes me off. I love her very much, but i find that her lack of sexual interest pushes part of me away. I have tried talking to her about it straight forwardly, and tried to insinuate it by making her feel sexy by praising her, and telling her how much I love when she does this or that, hell i even bought her this sexy little nightie and pocket rocket cus she loves the way her back messager felt when i explored her nether regions with it. I have these romantic evenings with her when we watch a nice movie with the lights down low and I giver her favorite wine and chocolate and flowers and these long sensual messages with scented oil and make sure to never make her feel as if im looking for something in return and then she just goes to bed afterwords, on a friday night,when she has nothing to do the next morning. I finish her all the time. I always make sure that she finishes one or twice or three times. Sometimes we will lay in bed and we will kiss and ect and it just ends after she finishes, other times she might go down on me but always stops cus she gets tired after like 1 minute, which is fine i understand some women dont lime it. Other times we get to sex but she always gets tires and dry and it hurts her before I can finish. I have tried different condoms and re lubing often, but nothing helps. When I talk about it with her it usually ends with her saying that I should slow down that she has already done a lot of things for me she really wasn't comfortable with and that she feels like im pressuring her. Im not pressuring her, I have told her that if she wants to have a sex free relationship then I can do that for her, but she cant just stay in the middle were she is now and expect me to fill her needs and have her not care about mine. She doesn't purposefully blue ball me, but rather just falls asleep after i finish her, but she wont go any further till i finish her. I have tried to initiate things earlier in the day, but she is never remotely in the mood before bed time. When i tell her that she blue balled me it is not to force her into anything but rater to let her know that she did it again. She gets upset when i do this , even tho I maybe only tell her one out of ten times she does it. She tells me to just go us my hand if i need to relieve myself. I get quietly annoyed at this because I try to wait as long as a I can to go because I know that if i wait then if the time comes that im intimate with her, it will be easier for me to go quicker there for not leaving me unfinished and her feeling bad cus I didn't go. She does feel horrible if I dont go and I hate seeing her blame herself, but at the same time Im thinking that there is still plenty she could do to make me go. She seems to think that vaginal sex is the only way for me to go, which is funny cus she went down on me the second day we were going out, that was also one of the last times. Like I said, i love her very much but dont know what to do about this. I find that sometimes I get very attracted to other women because they seem so much more playful than she does, but I hate when this happens cus I start ignoring my current relationship and I had made myself a promises that I would be my father and do what he did. Please help
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2010): Wow, I hear you dude but realize making love is away to express you love for one another. I bet she does love you, yet she may not be into you. I mean its possible that she not attracted to like that and only does it when she feels she has no choice.
It should never been an issue, but when you go without it becomes center stage. Fighting over sex and when she gives in it like a fuck. Nothing resembles making love. Its possible she does like sex as well. Talking ere is unless because the dryness comes from her lack of interest in you. She's not into you and if she would be honest she'll tell you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2010): Thats pretty clean cut n dry by female anon. I commend u for what youve done there. Granted sex is a second thing to a relationship, if you arent satisfied and have addressed it, sooner or later I think youll become very frustrated and be more tempted to pursue your sexual needs elsewhere. Break this off simply cause ur needs arent being met and she is obviously unwilling to compromise and she seems selfish and taking advantage of ur nice guy ways. Stop pickin up the tampon wrapper here..time to move on my man. Good luck with things :)
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (18 October 2010):
 I think you need to make it clear how important this is. She sounds like she's being quite frankly, lazy and selfish about this. It's very understandable you'd start to feel unloved, or like you're drifting apart due to this. I would have a really serious talk with her and try to come up with a solution. I know you said you try relubing often. Have you tried upgrading to a better lube that won't wear off/get sticky and irritating quickly? I recommend a trip to the sex store where you can get recommendations and feel them with your hands. One thing to do as well is for you to make sure you finish first so her arousal doesn't wear off. I know it's a great thing for you to be so selfless, but don't ignore yourself. It's not required that she always finish first. Also, sometimes when you need to finish fast, you can try doing doggie style. It always seems to make men orgasm much faster than any other position. She won't get tired, you'll get to finish, everyone's happy.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 October 2010):
 First of all, it's awesome that you are that considerate of her to make sure she is satisfied. A girl can be every bit as selfish in bed as a guy, but it doesn't get so much attention because of the assumption that it's the woman who needs the "warming up" and the guy is like a light switch that can explode in 10 seconds if he lets himself go.
She should make every effort to be as considerate to you as you are to her. However, I would be remiss if I didn't point out that there's a difference between considerate and picky.
Some people have conditioned themselves without knowing it to not have an orgasm unless it's under specialized conditions (i.e. only by masturbation, or only through anal, facials, or a fetish like sadomasochism or feet or dom/submission). Some people might take longer to reach orgasm than others because of medication, condoms, etc. If you're seeing yourself in this paragraph, it may not even be her. However, love causes even most of the toughest labors to be nothing in our desire to please the one we love.
You should have a real talk with her about how you feel, and not just after you're "denied". She needs to understand that this is part of a relationship that cannot be minimized. For a guy, many times, there's nothing that says "I Love You" quite like uninhibited, enthusiastic sex.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2010): If she's not satisfying you even after you have discussed this with her..buddy move on.
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