A
female
age
36-40,
*ellybeans20009
writes:Dear People,I am a 24 year old woman and I have never been in a serious, committed relationship. My previous encounters with boys have been a result of unrequited feelings. One was a fling I guess you could call it and the other two couldn't work for various reasons. I just want to know why it is that I keep losing my head/cool whenever I like a guy. This recent person I've liked, I sort of ignored taking care of myself in a way. I went out of my way meeting him, making food for him, and etc. It wasn't to an extreme, I still made sure I put my homework and school life ahead of him but at the same time I felt like I was losing it. I didn't feel good when I was with him. Insecure, jealous... It's important to note that we were never n a relationship nor did we initiate physical contact. I was wondering if I should be worried or does this sort of stuff come with the territory? I'm not a complete pushover though, I have to give myself credit. I told him that I would get over him and I have been putting myself on the track to. It's just that, I want to be able to hold my own in a relationship, but sometimes I worry about myself. Any advice?
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female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (19 January 2012):
 You're weak. You lack a healthy dose of self-worth and confidence and this is why you behave the way you do. If you had confidence, you wouldn't be burying a part of who you are when you like someone, nor would you cater to men by changing your plans, making food, putting your life on hold, or doing things to make their life better. Here is my advice: don't do any of that stuff. When you do those things, you come off as weak and as someone who can be kicked around. Men will take advantage of you and use your good will until they get bored, loose all respect, or find someone better. Never treat a man like a king, unless he treats you like gold. And by gold, I am talking about worshiping the ground you walk on. Maybe you could use come counseling to boost your self-esteem.
A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (18 January 2012):
 Hi!
Yes. Make sure youre communicating your thoughts to this guy. Let him know about your insecurities so he can reassure you and help you with confidence.
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