A
female
age
30-35,
*ona-lisa-cries
writes:im 14 years old and my perents just broke up last summer...im sure my mum is seeing some one which is ok but she isnt telling me, she hides her phone, goes out with "friends" and coz of her "work" she is away half the time, what do i do?
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female
reader, honesty +, writes (8 May 2007):
i think the reason why your mum hasnt told you because she knows you wouldnt be comfortable about it as your mum and dad aint together any more but your not even sure so i suggest you sit down your mum and ask her if shes seeing anyone
A
female
reader, penta  +, writes (8 May 2007):
 Your mom may have several reasons. (1) she doesn't want to hurt you, (2) she doesn't want to bring anyone around for you to get used to if the guy isn't going to last, (3) she may think you wouldn't approve, and doesn't want to argue with you.
I have a story for you. When I was 14 my parents split. A while later, mom brought someone over for dinner. Now, I liked the guy. He had been a family friend before, and we called him "uncle Rick." And I didn't think it was bad for my mom to be dating. But when he sat down in my father's chair I burst out into tears. It had nothing to do with him; it had everything to do with the realization that my father really wasn't coming back. (And it put a real crimp in their relationship, which I hadn't intended, lol.) Your mom may just be thinking about your feelings.
She's going to date; you'll need to be ready for that. How she talks to you about it may be up to you, if you play your cards right. Decide what you want to know and what you don't. Do you want to meet everyone she dates? Do you only want to meet the ones that might be serious? Are you comfortable if someone stays the night? Would it be okay for you to tell her what you think about the guys
Ask your mom if she has some time to have a serious conversation -- schedule it, so that you'll have her full attention. Then let her know that you understand she's going to date, and that you're pretty sure she's already doing so. And that you're okay with it. (If you're not okay with it, then you have an entirely different problem.) Anyway, let her know that you'd rather she did it in the open instead of hiding it from you. Just like you know that she'll want YOU to date out in the open rather than hiding it from her.
I bet you and she will have a really good conversation after that. Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2007): It's plain to see that Mom is separating her social life from her family life.Which in a way, is good. She likely wants to protect you and perhaps feels bringing a new man into yours and her life, is not the safest, most best thing to do, at this time. She likely wants to make sure he is a 'keeper'. She's being cautious. The only problem I see here, is that you are feeling neglected because she is going out a lot and her works takes her away from you. Please sit and tell Mom how you feel. Tell her, you understand she has a social life but you need to spend quality time with her. Make her aware that you miss her a lot. You are young, you still need your Mother's attentions, affections and guidance. She has forgotten that temporarily. Bring her back down to earth and make yourself heard. Don't get mad, be calm, tell her you love her and you need her. Work out a time when you two can do something together, on the weekends...shopping, dinner and a movie, or just hanging out at home. If you can't get through to her, enlist the aid of another adult family member who can help you, such as a grandma, aunt, cousin, etc. It sounds like Mom,is enjoying the freedom of dating other people...but sometimes even parents make mistakes and they forget they have someone special at home who needs her love.She needs a wake-up call. Talk to her, from your heart. Take care, sweety and I wish you and Mom the best of luck.
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