A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I’ve been married for three years and have a one year old son with my husband. We have problems the same as everyone else out there. No major problems but lots of little arguments. My husband (31) and his sister (35) took their mom (60) to New York City for two nights as a birthday present to their mom. Their mom has never really traveled before so she was really excited about going. The night before my husband left for NYC he had to pick up a camera from his friends house and he was gone for two hours, which made me upset because I thought that he would have wanted to hang with me before he left instead of hanging out with his buddy. He promised me that he would call when he got there. He did call but it was about five hours after he got there, and at the end of our phone conversation he said that he would call me that night and he never did. Today is the last day of his trip and he still hasn’t called me back. It’s been two days since I talked to him last. Do I have the right to be mad or am I just overreacting. I may be overreacting because I’m a bit sleep deprived from watching our one year old on my own while he’s away. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (19 July 2010):
 You have a right to be upset. He told you a time he'd call, and he didn't. However, keep in mind that he is on vacation. Having recently traveled to NYC myself, I can tell you that you often get home later than planned and much more tired than expected. You would not be out of line to tell him you were worried, and hurt that he didn't take the time to give you a 5 minute call. Try not to beat him down for it though. It is a pretty minor thing in the whole scheme of things to have a blow up fight over.
Ultimately his offenses as I see them are:
1) Hanging out with a buddy instead of you before leaving.
2) Not calling immediately upon arrival.
3) Failure to call back at a designated time.
Severity as I see them:
1) Doesn't really matter. He spends most of his time with you I'd guess. Hanging out with a friend who's doing you a favor (lending a camera) is not out of line. He may have just wanted to pick up the camera, but that particular friend is long winded, or wanted to chat. That happens all the time, and it is impolite to just get up and leave, especially after that person does you a favor.
2) I'm guilty of this regularly too. Here's what usually happens. The plane lands, I go to baggage claim. I get my bag, but I'm in unfamiliar surroundings. I try to find my way to a taxi or train so that I can get to my hotel. Something inevitably goes wrong and I have some kind of hangup. I end up getting checked in later than planned and am so tired I can't remember my name let alone a phone call. He has his elderly mother along. That could make this scenario very plausible, or worse.
3) This is the only one that I see you having a real leg to stand on. Because he told you he'd call, and didn't, that makes you wonder why. Did something happen? Is everyone alright? Why hasn't he called? I refer back to my opening statement about this. It's up to you if you want to fight about it, or just tell him you were hurt that he couldn't take a couple minutes to call you to check in when he said he would. I know that guilt works better on me than anger. When I get hollered at, it makes me mad and defensive. If I feel guilty, and know I'm to blame, I feel 1cm tall, and will go out of my way to make things right.
Good luck on whatever you decide.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2010): Your husband is on vacation with his sister and mother. How much shenanigans do you really think he's up to? You can ask him about it when he returns, or maybe send him a quick text, telling him you hope he's having a great time. The fact is, if a person is traveling with others (family members, in particular), they often can't just stop joining in on the trip activities at their own free will. He has to consider the people he's with.Like I said, ask him about it when he returns, but just tell him you were disappointed that he didn't call. Do not, under any circumstances, tell him about how you feel while he's on the trip. He'll enjoy his trip more that way, and also when you DO get to talk, it won't be about how you're upset with him. Who wants to come home to that?
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A
female
reader, straight to the truth  +, writes (19 July 2010):
I can see why your annoyed and I know if i was in your position I would also be very upset, but he is only with his sister and his mother so he isn't up to anything suspicious. let him know you weren't happy and that you were a little upset and worried but try not to overreact.
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