A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hi, Im 14 and am currently in a relationship for the third time with a guy. We dated for 3 weeks, broke up because the timing wasn't right, dated again for 4 months, broke up, and got back together recently. We are going to separate high schools so this summer is really a test for us to see if we should try to last. We both seem to really like each other and normally I write questions about the problems I feel we are having in our relationship and what I should do. However, I'm starting to think I'm overthinking and questioning things that shouldn't be questioned. I'm going to be honest and say I'm quite insecure and trying to find confidence but it's really an uphill battle right now. Anyways I do like him very much and I'm not constantly obsessed with him like the previous relationship. I feel I am finding more independence while being in a relationship. I think about him often but I don't worry very much if he doesn't text back or anything along those lines. My concern is I feel as though he pays other girls more attention and can flirt and talk to them with ease but when it comes to me he doesn't know what to say and often I find we will just sit or stand holding hands in silence because we both don't know what to say, as we both aren't good at initiating conversation. I wouldn't have a concern but I feel as though he should be able to talk to me easily when we have been an item and talking for quite awhile. I often feel as though I over analyze things and that the relationship is fine and I need to relax. I'd really like an opinion though... Please help. Thanks xx
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (18 June 2015):
 So it's not so much that he flirts with other women it's that he doesn't act flirty with you. This sounds pretty familiar to me. When I was around 16, There was a girl I was like this with. Frankly it freaked her out and it died pretty quickly. Guys really don't appreciate how much Value you girls put on Humor.
The reason he is acting differently with you is because you are different to him. You now mean something more to him and his actions reflect it. He has some value invested in you and he is less willing to risk it with the wrong flirt or joke.
Now this is not the right thing for him to do. He is not giving you what he sold himself as. You are going to have to help him relax. Because both of you are a bit insecure and introverted, I would suggest that you start a mini tradition. A little joke you do as a greeting. Something that means something mostly to you two. My shy daughter used this with one of her friends who was also shy. They were both into comic hero's. He liked the Thing. So when they met one would say, " hey what time is it?" and they would both reply, "It's Clobberin' time!" very simple but broke the tension.
I would suggest words but it doesn't have to be it can be an action or even body language. Many Successful Couples Do a variation of this.
Also, communicate. Tell him that you miss him flirting with you. Don't shut him down when he does. Fish for complements, just don't over do it.
The relationship is not fine. the shyest couple in my senior class at least whispered to each other. b(they were so Cute!) Communication is critical. Exclusive hand holding, or even Sex won't keep it together. You both need more.
FA
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (17 June 2015):
Be patient, I will work on this a bit later. Possibly in the night. This is the area I will Focus on: "My concern is I feel as though he pays other girls more attention and can flirt and talk to them with ease but when it comes to me he doesn't know what to say and often I find we will just sit or stand holding hands in silence because we both don't know what to say,"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFatherly Advice, Yes I am the same 14 year old girl and you seem to have good advice so id love your opinion
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (15 June 2015):
If this is the same anonymous 14 year old american female as I answered earlier, this puts a little more light on the subject. I'd be glad to continue chatting with you about this, but we should probably keep it to one thread. On the other hand if you don't like my advice we can wait for more.
FA
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