A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my partner is 42 and I am 22. We do not have full, penetrative sex but we do fool around, have oral sex and I give him hand jobs. However, I have noticed that when I give him hand jobs or oral he will be hard, but when we take some time to kiss or when he goes down on me he will go soft. What does this mean? That he requires continuous stimulation to be hard? That emotional stuff (like kissing) with me is not a turn on? He is my first sexual relationship so I have no point of reference. We dont have full sex as I keep hesitating and Im not sure I want to at the moment and we are taking things slow and doing other sexual stuff before I become comfortable with the whole thing. But I don't understand why he isn't continuously hard throughout the 1-2 hours that we fool around?Is it age? pressures? He is a very healthy guy so I don't get it
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2010): Going down and pleasuring you takes his concentration from his own satisfaction to satisfying you. Which means he probably will lose his erection. Especially as licking out can take a while. Don't worry as he still gets erections for you!! Good luck it's all normal :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2010): Please don't listen to those who say that it's definitely his age; that's not the case! Maintaining a full-blown erection, for as long as you say you guys are fooling around, is almost impossible. I'm 25 and I don't stay hard all the time when fooling around. My erections come and go, depending on what is being done. If my penis is getting direct stimulation, I am hard; if we are kissing, hugging or if I'm down there, I'm not necessarily hard.
So no worries, it's not a problem; on the contrary, it is absolutely normal!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (6 August 2010):
Think of a man has having two brains. He has a brain and a penis. And as Robin Williams famously said "only enough blood to feed one or the other". A man physically can't stay hard all the time. Blood moves around, depending on what's happening. So if he's using another part of his body more (brain, arms, fingers etc), then his penis will lose its hardness. It may have a little to do with his age, but mostly it's just because it's physically impossible to stay hard all the time. It has NOTHING to do with you at all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2010): Hello, I'm the original poster of this question (I do not have an account). Thank you for the replies, it makes me feel better. When I have asked him about it he says that he enjoys our fooling around a great deal and he looks like he does, and his breathing gets deep etc but the erection thing had me worried like maybe he was just saying that he likes it to be nice.
Thank you again for all your replies :-)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2010): It's normal and nothing to worry about, erections come and go during such a long session of intimacy. Perhaps he loses them a little more frequently because of his age but it's not abnormal.
If there isn't direct stimulation on the penis then, it will just go down after a little while.
There's nothing to worry about. If you are worried about it, then next time it goes soft try waking it up as long as it does when you play with it then there's nothing wrong.
Just remember maintaining a full erection for a few hours is actually not good for the penis so it will shut down ready to pop up again when needed.
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (6 August 2010):
 Men have no control over our hardness, and lack of hardness does not mean he's not interested in you. But basically, it will only be up when it thinks it's about to get sex. When you've giving him a blow job or hand job, his penis is getting sex and is happy. But if he's eating you out and he knows that it isn't going any farther, his penis knows that too and will relax since it's not needed. Same thing happens to me sometimes and I'm only 26.
Besides that, a penis does not like to be hard for that long! Given continual stimulation, sure, but it's not even HEALTHY to be erect for a couple hours without a break. (Blood does not circulate while erect, so every minute he's up, his penis is going without oxygen. There's a reason why a man needs to call his doctor if his erection lasts more than a few hours.)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2010): It's definitely his age. As a man gets older, his ability to stay erect diminishes. This is not a reflection on his attraction for you. It's normal.
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