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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I'm not really worried about this, but i'm curious about it. I have been dating someone for a few weeks now. After the night we first met, we kept intouch on facebook. I noticed that a woman had left a comment on his page saying " Hey, still on travels ? ". That was a few days after i met him. A while later, and this wasn't long before i went on my first date with him,this woman left another comment on his wall saying " Hi babes. I miss you ". She also put some kisses after he said she missed him, and i think she asked what he had been up to as well. He didn't reply to her on the wall, but i'm not sure if he sent her a private message or not. Soon after that , her comments disappeared from the wall. I'm not sure if she removed them or if he did, and i think she must have been removed from his friends list too, as when i look at her page now, it doesn't say that he is a mutual friend, and when someone is on your friend's list and someone else's list, it usually says that they are a mutual friend. I also noticed that her page had been deleted at one point, after we started dating, but now it's back on. I wonder why she called him babes and said she missed him?. I would only say that to a guy that i fancy, but not to a friend . Do you think she might fancy him and she removed him from her friends list because he didn't reply to her, and because he was writing that he had strong feelings for me on his facebook page?. Or do you think he might have removed her because he is with me now?. I don't see why she would be removed from his page if they were only friends?. She lives in another country, but i'm not sure if she's from there originally. I'm too nervous to ask him about it though. What do you think?.
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (14 February 2012):
 Your relationship isn't broken, the guy show care and attention and he talks highly about you in public, but you can't relax and enjoy yourself, you just keep worrying about the future.
Worrying about trouble before trouble comes is a great way to spoil any enjoyment in life. You like the guy, he likes you, there is no woman around him that he can actually touch to cheat with. Some strange facebook lady has been deleted, and that's all you got. You have no signs that he's a cheater, a player or that he's lying, but you do have signs he likes you a lot and he is very proud of you. But still you worry, imagining all the things that could go wrong.
It's valentines day, I hope you and him are put away Facebook and are out in the world, kissing and cuddling and having fun.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2012): No offence taken. I admit that i was like that with my ex. I really care about this guy i am dating now, but i'm so afraid of getting hurt again that it's hard to know what to do. I've agreed to meet him tomorrow though but i've no idea how to act. I'm not sure whether to tell him my thoughts yet as it might be too early to mention them .I don't know why i am panicking, as she isn't on his friend's list anymore, and i haven't seen any comments like that from anyone else, but i don't know if he is saying anything bad in private messages. Also, yesterday, he gave a compliment on this female singer that he likes, when he posted one of her videos on his wall, and he sent a link of the video to me and three other women who are on his friend's list, and for some reason, i was worried about who those women he sent the video to were, and jealous of him making a compliment about the singer. Stupid, i know!. I wish i didn't feel this way. I suppose if i hadn't had bad experiences in the past, i wouldn't feel like this. I guess, even if i did stay with him, i could try having counselling too, and even posting on this website helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2012): Are you sure you're ready for a relationship?
I mean if you're already becoming this panicked over being removed from his friends list on facebook because of this situation....maybe you should take some time out of relationships, work on your self esteem.
No offence but it sounds like you're going to get overly clingy, jealous, anxious and end up being in another relationship that won't end well and only cause you to get more paranoid in the future.
If you're still going to go ahead then just forget it and don't mention it to him. It doesn't sound like he was flirting or cheating!
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (13 February 2012):
Don't know babes... only yesterday *blew a kiss" to me male fb friend. I know he's single, but it wouldn't matter, I blow kisses to everyone. Now if he deleted me, I'd be pissed, because a short note to say "I've got a girlfriend who doesn't like that" would make me more cautious.
Another fb male friend, well he went away on holiday with his wife. So I sent him a message saying "missed you, bet you didn't miss me"... his wife saw it and wrote back "of course we did, needed someone to carry the suitcases".. we play the same games and she's in the same room when he and me send messages and has no worries, even if they sound flirtatious...
The internet makes things very difficult. Some people get offended by flirty comments, some people don't mind. Maybe he just didn't want to take the chance. Or maybe they was having some sex talk and now he's got you he's dumped her.
Main thing.. she aint in the country he is in and she's been deleted now, so if it was love, it didn't last long on his side. If he loved her and not you, why would he risk losing her by writing about you on facebook. As to her and how she feels... you can't take facebook relationships too seriously.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2012): The thing is though, i'm feeling anxious incase he will do that to me eventually. Remove me from his friend's list, i mean. I don't have very high self esteem, due to having bad experiences with other relationships in the past. I had trust issues with one of my exes over facebook, with good reason, as he was flirting with other women online. My ex also used to remove me from his friend's list whenever we argued or broke up. This guy i am dating now wants to see me on Wednesday and do something for Valentine's Day. I now it will be a day later, but we can't meet tomorrow. I feel anxious about meeting him though.
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A
female
reader, Deagan  +, writes (13 February 2012):
 You don't have to ask him about it, you two have just started dating.
It seems like he is over this woman but she is not over him. It appears as though he ignored her and removed her from his friend's list to avoid her posting any more personal messages that might give you the wrong idea.
The fact that he removed them shows that he is interested in you and doesn't want you to get the wrong impression.
Don't think too much about it. I point out once again that you two just started dating. You are not serious yet. You can talk to him if these messages persist at a time where you two are officially exclusive.
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A
female
reader, BeckySmith101 +, writes (13 February 2012):
your probably over-thinking this but I dont blame you either. If your boyfriend hasn't replied to any of her comments then he hasn't got any feelings for her. she might just be an obsessive ex who is desperate and is trying to make you jealous. Talk to your bf and ask who she is. If he says that she is no-one then I would seriously start looking at his wall and find some hint of anything. if you can, look at her profile and her photos. if there are lots of him, it could also add up to an obsessive girlfriend. I don't think there is anything going on and she is probably deleted from his life to protect you from yourself. I wouldn't worry about it. :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2012): I say look at the fact that she's no longer a contact AND he is focusing on you.I find no fault with open, honest communication. Just don't make it a witch hunt. You are worried about if the guy can be monogamous and honest so I would approach it as such.Is there a concern that there is another woman you keep contact with that may have been a love interest? Also I would wait UNTIL you both had the discussion you are a Couple. Right now, it sounds like you are dating. Not sure if its exclusive- you haven't said. So you may be jumping the gun.Its still a good time to bring up expectations of long term dating and what monogamy means. There should never be secrets between a couple AND both should feel they can talk about anything and everything with the one they love. That takes work.Learn Conflict Resolution SkillsAccording to Dr. Carlfred Broderick, "Perhaps the most important single preventative of adultery is a developed and well-oiled mechanism for dealing with strain in the marriage." It is crucial that you talk to your spouse about conflicts. Harboring resentment towards a spouse may lead you to seek sympathy from others, which opens you up to emotional attachments outside the marriage. Faithful marriage partners discuss their frustrations openly and honestly and try to reach fair compromises. • Be clear. Don't expect your spouse to know what you're thinking. If you're concerned about something, don't wait for your spouse to notice-tell him or her. • When you want to bring up a problem, don't assign blame. The following statement, for example, blames the other person and is not likely to end in a happy resolution: "The kitchen is a mess and it's all your fault!" Instead, try something like this: "The dishes didn't get washed and I think it's your dish day." • Don't store up frustrations. Talk about what's on your mind. It's harder to deal with resentment productively when you've been stewing over it and growing more and more upset until you're ready to burst. • Compromise. When you have a conflict, sit down and think about what you really need versus what you want and what you are willing to give up. Work out a solution that combines each of your individual needs •If you have serious resentment over unresolved conflicts, consider seeking help from a qualified professional marriage counselor. http://foreverfamilies.byu.edu/Article.aspx?a=47What surprises me is that people actually think talking about expectations and coming up with similar guidelines, standards to keeping your relationship safe gaurded against infidelity seems to not be a great enough priority of a must have topic of discussion. People assume they are with someone trustworthy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2012): I don't think it's possible to tell from just this. Some girls I know call other people babe/hun, it doesn't always suggest feelings. But yeah in this case it does sort of sound like they may have been dating at some point but definitely not anymore.Maybe he told her he wasn't interested and had found someone else, she found this a bit hard to deal with, deactivated her facebook for a bit and then removed him as a friend to help her get over it. This is ONE possible explanation. It could of course be something different, like they had an argument over something completely unrelated. Or he might have removed her because either he thought these comments would bother you, or because she was flirting and he wasn't interested.To be honest I don't know why you're so bothered by this or even feel the need to ask him. It doesn't sound like he's cheating or anything and admitting you've been paying this much attention to what's been happening may well make him think you're jealous/clingy. If a bf of mine did this, it's what I would think.
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