A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I got some good advice in the past so I'll give it another go. This story goes way back and it is very painful still. So, last year I fell in love with a good friend. I used to have a huge crush on his best friend (and he knew it)for a very long time and, over two years ago when he kissed me for the first time I told him I could not reciprocate because I had feelings for another man. So, you can say it was not love at first time. It was rather gradual and I guess he won me over. And the first kiss was unexpectedly magical. I struggled hard with myself before reciprocating because I felt he deserved a genuine thing and not just a case of the next best thing, but I got there. And it was real. I had the feeling that something amazing was about to happen with us and then it all fell apart. I found out that when I was away volunteering in Africa (I did this in order to forget about his friend whom I actually dated two summers ago) he had sabotaged any possibility me and his friend ever had. He lied to his friend about me and he was lying to my face for months until he was sure I had fallen for him and I had nothing to do with his friend. He actually confessed everything. I was furious. Not only did we not end up together but things got ugly. There were screaming matches too. It was horrible. I have since cleared the air with his friend but the entire thing just hurts still. I know from common friends that he checks my facebook daily and, even though he has calmed down a lot since and he is not frequenting places where he knows I go, I still see him occasionally and it is always so difficult and I don't understand why it is still so difficult. For an entire year all I did (with my close friends I am not that much of a weirdo) was to profess how much I hate him. I hated him with a passion that frightened me. Now I calmed down myself but I still have very strong feelings for him. I still hate him but part of me still thinks we would have been extraordinary together and he messed it all up and I can't forgive him because this was not a momentary mistake. The worst thing is I know he is just as affected. When he sees me sometimes he loses his words and tries to get me talking to him. I know it sounds ridiculous but I see it in his eyes and it is killing me. I saw him two weeks ago and he tried to find out where I go when I go out and whether I am seeing anyone but I brushed him off. I saw him again yesterday. He was there with a girl but I didn't get the feeling it was a date but it STILL bothered the hell out of me. I pretended not to care at all and pretty much ignored him but as I was leaving he pulled me over and hugged me (I never would have allowed him had I seen it coming). I hate myself for still having feelings for him but they are not going away. HELP. I tried dating other people but it never worked as I always end up thinking of him. There are times I want to slap his face (most of the times) and times I want to be able to put everything aside and be with him but I don't even know how to act around him. Please, please can you give me some insight as to why this man is still affecting me so much and what to do about it. I wish I didn't have any feelings for him but I do and I really tried but they are not going away. I am already avoiding him like the plague but it's a small town and we are bound to bump into each other a lot. PS I never slept with this man. Thanks in advance
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2012): Thank you for taking the time to read Bond girl. This is the OP) You are right. Any type of relationship between us is impossible, even friendship. It is breaking my heart but it is true. I am doing exactly what you are suggesting. I am avoiding any of the places I suspect he may be. I even missed friends' birthdays in the past. But we do share a number of common friends and the place is small so I can not rule out all interaction. (for example it is just as possible to see him on the high street any given Sunday as it is for us to end up at the same festival, or even that new people I meet may know him or his friends etc. It is a really small place) I have done everything I could to get this man out of my life and head. I have blocked him on facebook so I never get to be reminded of his presence and never visit his profile. I have tried to date other people. I have done it all but nothing has worked. I don't want to feel this way. I don't want to hate nor love him, I just want to be indifferent, but so far it has not worked at all.I hope you are right and with time it will get better. Thank you very much for your kind answer. Hope to see more answers.
A
female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (26 June 2012):
 I can understand why you hate him after that kind of deception, but sometimes it can be hard getting over the intense feelings you had. I think it is harder when you see the other person frequently because you do not have the opportunity to forget. Is it possible for you to avoid the places he frequents? I know you said it was a small town, but I would try to establish a different routine. You are making the right moves in the right directions...you just have to keep doing what you're doing. You could never live a life with this man knowing what he did to both you and your friend. It would also be a dark cloud on any relationship you might have. Hang in there and keep standing your ground. I know it hurts, but you are doing what is best for yourself.
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