A
female
age
,
*ylifenow
writes:Good Day Everyone!I'm in a relationship...for the most part, it's light and easy. We have been together 14 months now. He is a wonderful man, giving of himself, a good friend to others, a very sensitive person. A great brother and son! He has had some trama in his life, and on occasion has turned to drinking to cope. My real issue is a girlfriend from his past!! The history that they share spans over the course of 20 years. He met her when he was only married for a year, his marriage didn't brake up because of her, but it didn't help it either. he had some girlfriends in between and then moved this girl from the west coast to the east coast to live with him. They lived on and off together for maybe 2 years. They broke up, she moved back west.Before I met him, they were going to take a trip to Europe together as friends(?). He told her that he had met someone (that's me), and called off the trip! I found out that this former girlfriend is still e-mailing him (he told me so). I'm not sure what kind of airtime he is giving it, but he knows how I feel about it. So in order not to hurt my feelings he really tries hard not to bring her name up...I think he still in contact with her, and or he is allowing her to communicate with him!!!He has been honest in telling me that he cheated on his wife with this girl (brief encounter on vacation -she looked him up years later). He was also honest in telling me he left his wife for another person (he wasn't happy in his marriage - I can understand that). Why is this girl still in his life? Will she go away? I think he doesn't want to hurt her feelings (he said he wasn't ready to be in a relationship then). Is he keeping his options open? I have never felt so vulnerable... I left my husband after 21 years of marriage because he didn't respect me, love me the way I deserved. I feel horrible and ashamed... Am I over reacting?
View related questions:
broke up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (19 January 2010):
Glad I could help!
xx
A
female
reader, mylifenow +, writes (15 January 2010):
mylifenow is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you Emilysanswers ;)
Your reply has been very helpful... It's been a learning curve for me the past two years since I have returned to the dating scene. I hear such horror stories (which I'm all too sure are very true). I just don't want to be stupid to the possibility that my BF could be carrying on or keeping his options open with anonther woman.
He knows how I feel, and I will keep my feelings checked and in my hip pocket for now and will see how this plays out. Thank you for you time ;)
~mylifenow
...............................
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (15 January 2010):
She's going to carry on emailing either as a friend or whatever.
So I think you just need to make this not a BIG THING between you. He's obviously scared of your reaction about it which is why he's not bringing it up.
That shouldn't happen. You either have to get over this and accept she's a friend so he can talk to you about what he's chatting about with her. He needs to be open about her so she doesn't become this secret thing. When she knows you are fine with them being friends then she will realise he only sees her as a friend and not something to be hidden.
It's either that or you can tell him you can't cope and he has to choose between friend / girlfriend of 20 years OR new psycho-girlfriend who will stop him doing stuff.
Tell him you want things to be ok, and you will make lots of effort not to be jealous and paranoid as long as he is open about his friendships and reassures you that you are the only one for him.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
|
