A
female
age
36-40,
*unty_rach
writes:i've come across alot of teen girls on here who say they are virgins and are not ready for sex, yet they want to do it just to please the guy. please tell me why girls feel so pressured into having sex when they don't want to. why do SOME guys not understand the "i'm just not ready"i was in this situation when i was younger and i never felt such strong pressure from the bf at the time. of course i never had sex with him, as i was not ready. but my god he went on and on and on about it! seriously why can't guys just wait?
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female
reader, ShadowGirl +, writes (11 April 2010):
I don't think boys put as much pressure on girls as you think...In my school there is actually more girls than boys who ask if other girls are virgins.For example heres a conversation I had once with a girl I barely spoke to...her: hey, aren't you with a 16 year old?me: yes...why?her: oh...you had sex with him yet?me: no...i don't really think i'm ready...or legal.her: oh..well...you totally should 'cause like, no one wants to meet a virgin.I was stood there like "ohmygod what just happened?!" So yeah, boys don't pressure girls as much in my experience.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): This question reminds me of when women ask, "Why are men such jerks to us?"
The high schools are absolutely FULL of guys who wouldn't push a girl for sex before she's ready.
But which guys are the ones that teenage girls actually go for? (Hint: It's not those respectful guys.)
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female
reader, aunty_rach +, writes (5 February 2009):
aunty_rach is verified as being by the original poster of the questionit probably is a case of people learning to respect other's boundaries. i think kids need to be taught about respecting eachother, which could help men and women to respect eachother sexually when they are older. sure guys are hornier then girls, but not all of them pressure girls into having sex! some can control their desires more then others. sure all guys try it on, great if the girl wants it, but if she doesn't some do back off, but there is a few who don't. i've been there and it was very upsetting and awful for me to think that all he wanted was sex. like i said i never had sex with him because the pressure was getting me down and i didn't want to have sex just to please him. i don't think many guys will really ever understand this, as it's from a girls respective. they may just think they are being horny, but really it comes across alot worse.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2009): Yeah aunty_rach, this is more than a rant against horny men than anything... Why don't you let people who need real help use this website? Men will always be hornier because they've been biologically "programmed" that way over thousands of years of evolution. Stop being so hard on them. They can't help it sometimes. You want them to understand women better, and men want women to understand them better. It's the constant battle that will never go away. If you don't like it, go be lesbian or move to Mars.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): It may be in guys' nature to want sex, however does that mean they should selfishly ignore girls' feelings on the matter? Just having a desire doesn't mean you should fufill it at someone elses expense. It seems to me parents and society in general should teach boys to respect girls' right to decide when they will have sex. It seems to me this lack of respect for girls is the same lack of respect that leads some men to commit date rape. Perhaps if men were taught early on to respect women and their personal choices, then maybe that crime wouldn't happen nearly so often.
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female
reader, aunty_rach +, writes (4 February 2009):
aunty_rach is verified as being by the original poster of the questionalso i would like to say that the title for this question was actually re-phrased, so it makes it sound alot worse then it actually is.
the original was more like " why do young girls feel like they need to give up their virginity, even though they are not ready, just because their guy puts pressure on them?"
see that's not ALL guys! it's just a few who do exist! you may not be one and you are probably a decent guy, but the truth is SOME boys/men do put pressure on to girls to give up the V-card when they are not ready.
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female
reader, aunty_rach +, writes (4 February 2009):
aunty_rach is verified as being by the original poster of the questionexcuse me but i never said i gave in to any guy! it just seems there are alot of young girls on this site who are all saying the same thing. " i'm a virgin and i'm not ready for sex, but i want to please my bf and have sex so he does not dump me" etc. it's just sad these girls feel like they can't wait because the guy wants it. it's not putting ALL boys/men down at all. it's a sad fact that some younger guys really pressure their gf's. i'm sure some girls pressure some guys too. as for men being more biologically more aggressive, how is that even an answer for this? not everyman is aggressive and forceful. they are just plain horny and can;t think of anything else. you can;t tell me that men don;t think about sex a hell of a lot!
you are missing my point really. i'm not putting guys down, i just wish these younger girls would realise they don't have to have sex if they dont want to! also i'm not insulting you, i actually find your replies insulting! this is a forum for any questions, what in your eyes is a decent question. this is something that has not really been brought up. why do you find it such an awful question? do you feel put down being a male or something?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): because some guys are extremely horny and don't know how to :1 - rephrase the questions so it's not "can you lie down"2 - they can't read your body language.. if you say no and you're aggressive guys misread that as feisty, if you say no and kind of shrink into yourself (for want of a better phrase) guys could misinterprit that aswell.they should understand the girl they're talking to and share a genuine connection before asking or hinting. this way the girl is going to be more trusting toward them and more honest about what she feels.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): You're getting so mad over something you have no control over aunty_rach. You go around insulting people who answer to your RANT. This place is for decent questions, you're putting men/boys down. How are you helping the situation? You're not going to change anything.He is right, there is pressure from both men and women. More so from men because WE ARE BIOLOGICALLY MORE AGGRESSIVE than women. If you don't like it, turn yourself into something other than a human. Deal with it. Seriously. Grow up before you start insulting other people. If a girl is weak-minded enough to give into a boy then how is it HIS fault she gave in? That is just as stupid as saying its not a soldier's fault for shooting civilians when the commander told him to do so. You have your own brain and learn to use it. No one FORCES you to do anything. If you give into peer pressure it's your OWN fault.
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female
reader, aunty_rach +, writes (4 February 2009):
aunty_rach is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell as a guy you obviously don;t know about how other guys can make a girl feel when they pressure her into having sex. it's not an immature comment, it's a sad fact, that there are young girls, such as 14 who are not ready for sex, but their boyfriends nag them and pester them into sleeping with them, even though really the girl does not want it. she just wants to make him happy! it's bullshit, just like your reply!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): Give me a break... I'm a guy and I was pressured into losing my virginity to a more experienced girl. Blame the MEDIA and its pressure on society. Grow up will ya?
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female
reader, Fiona xxx +, writes (4 February 2009):
 I am not sure what age you are talking about. Say at 14 I am sure less girls are having sex than you think. Say at late teens there is as much peer pressure from other girls as the boyfriend "I don't know what you are worried about, just go for it" and stuff like that. Although you say you want to wait, every week they try it on, or nudge forward the bases. I don't think it's in guy's nature to wait, and like it's already been said i think lads find virgins a turn-on. Fiona.
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female
reader, YuukiBear  +, writes (3 February 2009):
 I think it is just because... Well... They want to be the first... They want to be able to brag about taking a girls virginity to their friends. Also... As many of my guy friends say... "The girl has no chance of having std's and they are better then girls that aren't virgins cause they can try new things and they are tighter" I honestly think that is SOOO wrong. I am still a virgin and every boyfriend I have ever had (Aside from my current one) has wanted to be my first. I said no and they kept trying to persuade me. I found it annoying and left them. I even went to a party and I was the only virgin there and all the guys were like "Yes!" I had all the guys there trying to get with me. Even the ones with girlfriends! It's crazy! Girls just need to be strong and say no, even if the guy is persistent and or threatens to leave.
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female
reader, aunty_rach +, writes (3 February 2009):
aunty_rach is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthat still does not explain why guys just won't wait for these poor girls. instead they just get nagging them and make up stupid things like...my friends say i should dump you,etc.
as for the "not as strong as me" comment it took alot for me to get rid of that guy, and i nearly did go all the way with him, but i knew i would of had regrets so i didn't.
guys shouldn't put so much pressure on girls! it's not fair, the first time is supposed to be lovely, even though it hurts, you are still supposed to want to do it and not feel like you have to.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (3 February 2009):
Because they are obviously not as strong as you were.
Lots of girls are NOT having sex and have very happy balanced lives, it's just that they don't come to Dearcupid.org to tell us about it. Only people with problems come here so you can't take this as a reflection of real life.
Good Luck!! xxx
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