A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Do I stay with a boyfriend that I don't love?I've been going out with a guy now for almost eight months now. My feelings have always wavered about him, since I wasn't looking for anything serious when I met him, and I told him this. Unfortunatley things have got serious, at least for him. He constantly tells me that he loves me and he's begun to become clingy. I think he is wonderful and bright and talented, but the relationship fomed just as I was recovering from a break up, it almost stopped the development of me finding myself.Recently we spoke about the future, how I want to complete my masters degree then go travelling the world, and how he wants to continue his placement with a sound engineering company. He cries all the time when I tell him about travelling, he tells me that he'll wait for me. I never wanted any of this, and now I feel shackled, even though he means the world to me.I've come close to breaking up with him before, but my guilt has been utterly overwhelming and his pleads always seemed to draw me in, as if I was making the mistake. It would make a mess out of him if we broke up. I know how volatile he can be.There's something there, in him that I really like, that I like to kiss and hug and be with, but at the same time, my feelings keep dwindling and all I think about is that one day I will have to hurt him.Any avice would be so utterly helpful.Regards,S.R
View related questions:
a break, broke up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answer.I am fully aware that some of it is my fault, it looks as if you know exactly how he must be feeling.I have massive trobule trying to tell him how I feel about him, and I know it must hurt him when I say nothing back to him.I don't want to inflict any misery on him, because he just doesn't deserve it. He just deserves someone that will love him wholly and completely, but I know he won't see it like that if I break up with him.Things are particularly complicated, because I met him through a mutual group of friends, and this group of friends we both have go out every weekend. I also have a holiday booked with this group of people in June.I know i've left it too long, but my only concern is how much i'll hurt him. He's going through a really tough time at the moment with his grandma being really ill, and I want to be there for him.I feel guilt all the time. I'm utterly confused.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2009): Oh my god, i think you need to talk to my ex-boyfriend!! Lol. I had a year of misery with this guy who had not long got out of a serious relationship and who constantly changed throughout the year what he wanted-he wanted casual, then when i broke up he wanted serious, then back to casual and then told me he wasn't ready for a relationship atall!! I became clingey and needy as you describe your boyfriend because i never ever knew where i stood and how he felt for me at any given time. I just wanted to try and win him over, but went about it slightly the wrong way and this is probably what is happening with you two. You have to accept that his behaviour is partly your fault, as by saying you don't want anything serious but by letting it get like that you are giving out mixed messages. People are not stupid-they know when their feelings are not fully reciprocated and when they are not part of someones future and it's heartbreaking for that person. If you are not planning on staying with him, you need to break it off now before it goes any further and before you waste any more time on each other. I'm sure you do have feelings for him, I genuinely believe that my boyfriend did love me, but i think as in your situation he could not fully give himself to me and in the end it is not fair on your boyfriend. Yes he will be heartbroken, but he would be more heartbroken if it happened in say a few months time, i think you know yourself that that is unavoidable. I am still heartbroken and I wish so much i could have him back but I can see that if he didn't love me in the same way it would only have caused me more misery staying together. Set both of you free and one day when he finds someone who reciprocates his feelings he will look back and see that it was the right thing. Hope this helps x
...............................
|
