A
female
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anonymous
writes:I'm 13, and really like quite a few boys. I'm good friends with most of them, and flirt loads with them. I'm told by lots of people that I'm gorgeous, and that i've got a lovely personality. But why haven't I had any interest from them? Please help.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (11 July 2006):
 The main problem is that age 13 is just the leading edge of adolescence. Many girls are still essentially kids at 13, although some (as you appear to be) have grown up a little and are interested in the other sex.
Here's the problem. Boys don't usually really get to the same level of interest until a year or two later. You've probably heard "Girls mature faster than boys"? Well, this is where that old maxim starts to count.
At 13, most of the boys you know are still more interested in kid stuff than in girls. And the boys that are interested in dating are still -- read some of the letters posted by young boys in the Teenage category! -- paralysed with fear of asking girls out. Well, who could blame them?
So the main obstacle is that girls-who-like-boys at your age outnumber the interested boys by about 10-1. And older boys aren't interested in girls younger than themselves (yet).
That means you can't just decide that you want a boyfriend and go find one, because 13-year-old boys who want a girlfriend are in short supply.
Be patient with yourself. I can guarantee that there are guys out there who'll want to get to know you in the next couple of years, and age 15 is about as young as I'd recommend girls start dating seriously. Before that, you have stars in your eyes and might not realise that there are downsides to having a boyfriend too.
Read some of the other letters on this site. Girls suffer from hurtful relationships, get worried over petty squabbles, lie awake crying over jealousies, have their hearts broken by insensitive comments and get hassled into sex before they're ready... all because they "want a boyfriend".
So, although it's wonderful to be admired and appreciated by someone, it's not always flowers and hand-holding, either! Most young men are, at best, "rough diamonds". So don't expect too much.
I recommend that you stop worrying about this and reflect on *why*, exactly, you want a boyfriend at this age. What do you think will happen if you have a boyfriend? Why would that be better than what you have now? Do you think you'd be "better" somehow? And if so, why?
I know I sound like the end-of-chapter textbook questions, but sometimes people yearn for something without realising that they actually want something much more simple (for example, to be liked by their friends). A bit of self-questioning can help clarify what your actual needs are.
A
female
reader, ask phoebe +, writes (11 July 2006):
 I think that if lots of people say you're gorgeous, you're bound to have a load of secret admirers out there somewhere! I reckon one or two of these guys you like might like you back but they may be too afraid to let you know in case they're afraid of rejection. Why don't you help them out by making the first move? Besides, you're only 13 and theres no rush to have a boyfriend right away! Hope all works out!
ask phoebe xx
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