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male
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*ommyM
writes: FOR THE LAST 8-10 YEARS I HAVE MOVED FROM ONE SUBSTANCE ABUSE TO ANOTHER. THAT ENDED 6 MONTHS AGO WHEN OVER THE INTERNET I MET A WOMEN, WHO IS NOW VERY DEAR TO ME. IT WAS A BIG WAKE UP CALL AND I HONESTLY BELIEVED SHE SAVED MY LIFE. WE HAVE MET, HAD OUR FIRST KISS AND TALK ALL THE TIME ON THE PHONE (WE LIVE ABOUT 200 MILES APART). THE PROBLEM IS SHE IS A MUSLIM AND I AM NOT. I DONT BELIEVE I WOULD EVER SERIOUSLY BE INVOLVED IN A RELIGION BUT I AM VERY RESPECTFUL OF OTHERS. SHE ONTHE OTHER HAND HAS VERY CONSERVATIVE PARENTS AND IF THEY FOUND OUT SHE WAS DATING A NON-MUSLIM THEY WOULD DISOWN HER. WHEN WE SPEAK I HEAR HER CRYING AND IT BREAKS MY HEART TO KNOW SHE IS BEING TORN APART LIKE THIS. I WANT TO MOVE TO HER HOME TOWN TO START AFRESH, BUT WITHOUT HER IT WOULD MEAN NOTHING. SHE IS MY SOULMATE, WE HAVE LOADS IN COMMON AND CAN TALK FOR HOURS, SHE HAS SHOWN ME THE REAL MEANING OF LIFE.I CANNOT LEAVE HER AS SHE NEEDS ME AS MUCH AS I NEED HER, BUT I CANT SIT BACK AND WATCH HER HAVE AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE. SHES MY ANGEL AND I DONT WANT HER TO FLY AWAY. ANY ADVICE ON WHAT CAN BE DONE WOULD BE VERY APPRECIATED OR IF YOU KNOW ANY OTHER WHO COULD GIVE ME SOME ADVICE COULD YOU PLEASE PUT ME IN TOUCH. THANK YOU.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (11 July 2006):
 Sounds like it is ultimately up to her to decide between you and her family. Be supportive and assure her of your love but don't pressure her. If you do get the short end of the stick please don't use it as an excuse to undo all your hard work getting sober. Remember that it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Good luck with her decision.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2006): I am glad to hear that you have recognized your addiction and have sought help to stay clean and sober-that's amazing. I am glad you also realized how much you matter and discovered you love yourself and you are capable of great things in this life. *hugs*
It is not everyday that someone can find a love such as yours. Are you willing to do what is needed for this love?
I think understanding how much she loves her parents and how much she repsects them is very important. If this love and respect is great, she will, in the end chose to do what is right and what she believes in.
I think right now she is struggling with her own identity and her place in her family, her community, and in the world. You must understand this as you have fought this battle as well.
I think she has already made her decision but because of her love in you; she is torn apart.
I could not see the one I love with all my being cry and cry. This must just break you up inside.
Know that this relationship is based on you being a secret. You know the consequences of loving her; are you prepared to be there for her should she chose a life with you? Can you be her family, community?
I know she knows the consequences of loving you but now stuggles with is your love worth leaving all she knows and all she loves? This is not a place I would chose to be in.
She didn't save your life; you made the choice to save yourself. She shouldn't be the newfound strength in your life; this is something you must desire separate of her and it must be something you will work on separate of her.
What she was was a great support to you and she may have lending you strenth when you were struggling; what a great and loving friend she was.
I think it is easy on your side of things; what have you to risk and sacrifice for your relationship? You do not risk losing family and all that comes with it; comfort, stability, closeness, belonging. Your love faces all of this.
Just know that you face a hard decision as well; perhaps loving her as much as you do you will realize that she may need you to be the strong one and make the choice yourself of having to let her go. To sacrifice is to show the greatest of all loves.
You can move on in life with out her you just don't want to be without her. You can leave her if that is what she truly needs.
You above all others know what she needs.
I know you have amazing strenth as you have done an amazing thing. You are a wonder and she saw this.
You are fortunate to find and experience the love you have.
I hope things work themselves out and may you have the wisdom to make the choice that will make her the happiest.
I say this last part as my Dad has told me that he is only happy when the woman he loves is happy.
*hugs*
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (11 July 2006):
 I find these religions that cannot accept or allow their children to choose their own life partner very disturbing. I believe that we all deserve to be happy and no one, especially our families, should should stand in that way of that.
I don't really know how strict her family are. If they truly want her to be happy, maybe they will come round once they meet you and realise you are a nice person and will make her happy. I realise that this is highly unlikely with such closed minded people like them so I would advise you to follow your heart. If you two love each other enough, you should get out of there and start again. I understand she'll lose her family, but who needs a family who does not want them to be happy or follow their dreams?
I realise different cultures can be hard to understand for us but love is so powerful, if you let this woman go, you will regret it forever. Please don't live the rest of your life with that regret.
Good luck.
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