A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:What to do if your boyfriend is stingy but earns three times more then you??I just broke up again with my boyfriend cos the little things started to eat away at me. First - am pregnant and he is being totally unsupportive. Well he had bought me some food to cook for him primarily. What bugged me, when he buys for himself - he doesn't mind to splurge but when he buys stuff for me it must be the cheapest brand etc. Now I didn't mind this at first as I just assumed he wanted to save money etc. I am on 34 K a year and he is on 96 K a year. What came to the crunch is, if he brought me out to a fast food restaurant he would make me feel guilty if he paid for me. I didnt want fast food cos of the baby and asked if he could go to a restaurant with better food..so we did in the end..thank god. BUT his attention was just not there for most of the meal..avoiding eye contact..which made me wonder jesus maybe he is just not that into me and I should break up...anyway before that we went to the shops and to be romantic he bought me a winter hat for 5 quid and turned to be and said now that is your lot..as if I had cost him a bomb..I cringed and said eh thanks...didnt complain but was kinda irritated. He bought his jumpers for 40 quid...and my little hat for 5 quid then we went to the restaurant...so after the date. I said sod this..he is being weird ever since he found out am pregnant. SO I thought its better if I break up as his heart is not really in this relationship. So I said that to him..its bothering me...but I am happy I did it..BUT why is this person being so stingy?? is there a valid reason?? I assumed he is just selfish. Cos he doesnt mind to splurge on himself and pay whatever but when it comes to us...barely nothing. He was living in my place and not giving household money either. I never complained but it got to me cos I am more broke then him...and I was anxious that he wouldnt eat me out of house and home...let me know what you think?? he was acting more pregnant then me. I broke up with him out of self respect. I tried to ignore this stingy behaviour but it was happening too much... :-(
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI totally agree with you both thank you.. yes it is a shame. Does he fear to love me and hence be so miserly?? you interestingly put how he sees it as a 'slow leak' as opposed to an investment. What gets me is, its not like I am scrounging off him either. Far from it. Its sad to think that a father feels he must compete with his siblings in order to get the appropriate attention from the mother...I wonder which part in the head fails to mature properly...he is not a young man so it is strange that way but yes whether he likes it or not he should just accept the responsibility that is under his nose not run away from it all the time.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (28 October 2009):
It does sound crazy, a parent being jealous of their child/ But it actually does happen. You kind of hit upon the point when you said he secretly is a child himself. Sometimes, the part of the brain that controls all these emtotions doesn't mature properly. So instead of seeing the child as his son or daughter, he sees it has something he has to compete with for attention. Yes, it is weird. It took me years to realize that my father has that problem. He was jealoud when I came along, because suddenly all my moher's attention was on me. And it's been the same with my siblings. It's very sad really. But do make sure that your ex supports the baby. Whether he likes it or not, it's as much his as yours, so he has responsibilty.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGood answer! No he hasn't got in touch yet. I say YET as its been a whole three days..Why would he be jealous of the child? I see where you are coming from on this one but its mad..makes no sense?? Why would he even compete with a child?? unless he secretly is one himself?? its nuts! I see what you mean and yes he has been taking better care of himself lately but he doesnt even need to..and yes you are right in terms of irony. He has broken up with me so many times now and vice versa that I don't even feel abandonment as much as I used to! which is sad when you think about it. I think I start to slowly get over him but it still sucks cos obviously I wish it would just work as normal...but its abnormal..the deal breakers don't go away when we do get back..that is the BIG problem..anyway thank you caring guy.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (27 October 2009):
You have made the right assumption I'm afraid. My father made Scrooge look like a commmitted Christian. All he does, even now, is scrimp by on as little as possible for everyone around him. I think it's very sad you broke up with him, but has he even tried to get back with you? If not, that says is all. You have done the right thing. He's just very selfish, and it can probably be attributed to a feeling of jealousy towards your unborn child. Suddenly he has to compete with the child to be the best, so he has to have the best for himself. Sounds weird, I bet. But it's all relavent in his closed mind. Whatever happens though, he is responsible for maintaining your child. Ironically, it will now cost him more than if he'd been a decent, committed boyfriend in the first place. The important thing now though is that you're as comfortable and as stress free as possible, because babies can sense their mother's stress. I'm sure you're feeling pretty abandoned, but really focus on yourself and your baby. Enjoy your pregnancy and I wish you all the best.
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