A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My girlfriend is upset with me because we both just found out that i gave her chlamydia. I didn't know that I had it. I know this will sound strange but I dont understand her being so upset about it. Now before you call me a dumba** let me explain a few things. I started dating her a week after the last girl i dated so wasnt a whole lot of time to get tested between girls. Thats her main argument is that I should have tested before I started seeing her. (like I expected to start dating a week after ending another relationship).ut here is the real point of my misunderstanding, the weekend after the first time we had sex (unprotected) she tells me she has herpies. I told her I cared enough about her that I was willing to keep seeing her and that we would both have to be very carefull. Now this means she knowingly slept with me and risked giving me an uncurable disease without telling me first. In my defense I didnt know, had absolutly no reason to even suspect I had anything. So please explain to me my confusion here. Why is she so upset and does she even have the right to be? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, raiders +, writes (19 April 2010):
 Thats what happens when you have sex with out protection, you are playing with a Russian Roulette. Take this as a lesson learned you never know if the person you are intimate with has an STD, you should always protect yourself, worry about yourself, always put on a party hat. Both of you are naive and should not point fingers. You two should go to your health center and get tested for HIV and other STDs.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 April 2010):
 She has a right to be upset. I guess she is upset because she already has one STD, and now she has another. The news is fresh and she needs time to calm down and realize that this isn't the end of the world. Just support her and stay strong together. What she did to you I think is a lot worse (herpes is like you said incurable). But do not play games of tit for tat. You forgave her for not telling you about the herpes, you already had that debate and it is done and over with. So don't bring that back up. All you can say is sorry because you didn't get a check up. But you should also call your ex and let her know he probably has chlamydia. For all you know you could have gotten it before you even met her. For women chlamydia is more serious than for men, as it can make us infertile. That could be another reason your gf is upset. But for most part I think she is just scared of getting even more STD's when she wishes she didn't have any.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2010): sounds like she cant take a dose of her own medicine. Legally if you have HIV you have to tell your partner. if you don't it's considered manslaughter. I think the same standard should go for herpes. Any incurable disease really! I could not forgive her if I were you! Knowingly exposing you to an incurable, uncomfortable, and embarassing disease is beyond morally despicable!
She should have told you before she slept with you. I think she deserved to get chlamydia and then some!
remind her of what she did nd tell her thats she's lucky to have such a good guy. If that is too difficult for her to get than you should count your blessings and move on.
Do you honestly like her enough to get herpes? I can't imagine that she's worth it, but thats me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2010): Not My Name said nearly everything I wanted to say.
Why is she so upset? I think she's more upset with herself to be honest, this is the second time she's been stupid (for the lack of a better word) enough to contract an STD. I think she's just taking out her frustrations on you.
You both have a right to be upset but only with yourselves, no offence but you were both idiotic not to practice safe sex with a new partner. That's one of the most basic precautions, safe sex also removes the issue of trust because it's just a sensible precaution.
While it should be a given that you would tell a new partner that you have an STD before you have sex, most people don't for fear of driving that person away, another reason to always practice safe sex.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (19 April 2010):
 "Women are to be loved and not to be understood."
She has only herself to blame because she was too trusting and did not practice safe sex.
That could explain in part why she was upset.
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A
female
reader, veronika  +, writes (19 April 2010):
 Technically she does have a right to be upset, she caught *another* STD. Anyone probably would be upset regardless of circumstances.
I think you just need to explain to her what you feel and talk to her about it.
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A
female
reader, Not My Name +, writes (19 April 2010):
 Honestly, .. I would be pretty peeved if I ever caught an std/sti, ... but that said, I would have to be as peeved at myself as the guy for not either taking precautions or for not insisting on no sex until tested.
Your both equally at fault for not waiting or using protection.
However, ... It is a double standard that she knowingly slept with you before divulging her own health issue, ...whereas you at least did not know you had one - small consolation that it is.
She does have a right to be upset, ...but it is rather hypocritical since I think you have even more right to be upset.
I hope you have at least learnt a lesson from this (not sure your girlfriend has tho since she has already had the misfortune of contracting herpes and still took risks both to herself and you)and I hope you will both be more cautious with any future partners and practice full disclosure before any sex taks place.
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