A
female
age
51-59,
*atmarie
writes:Hi all, I have recently got into a really nice relationship with a lovely man. He is kind and gentle, and I am slowly starting to feel relaxed and happy. :o) My problem , however, is this. I have a very close female freind, and we have developed this sort of reliance on each other over the last 2 and a half years. It's almost like a co - dependence. She doesn;t do much at all except work and go home and watch the soaps, and we call each other alot. Most evenings infact ( I work with her too ,so see her every day). Since I met this guy , I got very anxious everytime he hadnt called or texted back straight away ( I suffer from anxiety in relationships, but am working on it), and have told her everything I am feeling,and made loads of panicky phonecalls to her whic have lasted ages, and she has listened and talked me down., but nowit;s almost as if she is living her life through me.. she even wants to know if he sleeps on his back or front,when he tetxed, what he said, when we are going out etc etc and is obsessed with every detail of it. I do realise this is my fault for telling her in the first place, but now I;m getting freaked out as she seems sad and annoyed that I have told her I need some space, and seems upset. I told her that I just don't think it's healthy that I keep telling her all my private / personal life, anxiety and thoughts and she looks upset. I also dont want her to feel I used her when I needed her either. It;s very uncomfortable. Lucky enough I am going off work for the next two weeks , but I have said we need to set boundaries. I feel as if she is feeding off me, and I feel more anxious after I have told her stuff which is not a good sign. How can I find a balance? as she has always been there for me, and I still want her as a freind, but I can see her gagging for me to tel her stuff about me and him. It;s weird. She does not have a man of her own either, and has not had one for years, and I have been encouraging her to find one, and infact helping her. I am feeling uncomfortable, as I do not want her to think I have blown her out now I have someone either. I have been honset about it all too - but feel in some starnge way , almost guilty that I am pulling back and not telling her. Has anyoone else ever experieced this?
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (25 June 2010):
Your friend is just terribly lonely. She's seeing her best friend moving on, and she's desperate to remain in your life because she has no one else. I'm not sure what else to suggest other than to just be gentle and understanding with her. You just need to gently pull back at times here and there. Be kind to her. You're moving forward and she's not, and she's just finding it hard at the moment.
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