A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, I'll try to summarise this as best I can. We've been dating almost a year, and within the past 4 or 5 months, my girlfriend seems to have actually grown to detest me.She refuses all physical contact, I can't even kiss her on the cheek nowadays. She chooses only to have sex with me when she feels like it, claiming I should respect the fact that she's not in the mood very often, yet getting very angry when it's me who doesn't want it. She's told me that she hates (and she actually used the word "hates") my music taste, my friends, my clothes, the fact that I don't read much for pleasure. She's accused me of cheating on her, with a girl I have never even had a decent conversation with. She has tried to tell me who I can and can't be friends with. She always calls me when I'm out with my friends, then puts down the phone in a huff when someone I'm with tries to talk to me, yet won't even read my texts if I send them her when she's with her friends.It seems as though my life has become based solely around pleasing the most pessimistic, uncaring person on the planet. She's told me to stop calling her pet names such as "baby" and "angel", never takes into account if what she wants to do on a night is going to bore me incredibly, and becomes angry if I express any hint of distaste, or if I offer a suggestion of doing something I want to do for a change. She hardly texts me any more, and has begun to refuse to see me on a night because she's too tired. I understand when it's due to work related reasons, but last time I tried to give that reason (and it was a genuine one) I almost had my head snapped off. Everything I do seems to warrant a complaint.I know within this I'm trying to make myself sound very victimised here, but it's the truth. I spend my life trying to please her, I always follow her wishes, and do anything to make her happy, because I love her, but I get NOTHING in return, just the occasional "I love you too" at the end of a phone call. Is there anyway I can make her return back to her old ways, the kind, affectionate girl I fell in love with, or is that it? Has this relationship hit rock bottom?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2010): If it were ME in that situation, I wouldn't even try to work it out. I'd just inform her it was over.
At least two things are wrong in your relationship. She's being way over-demanding, choking you.
You're being over accepting. You can't let her treat you like shit. Unless you have kids or something, there's no reason to have a relationship unless both people benefit from it. This is clearly not the case here.
Why would you think she deserves happiness at your expense? She doesn't, you deserve better than that.
The saddest part of people like her is, when you stay around with them and let them keep treating you like shit, they end up thinking you really are as bad as they treat you. Then one day they decide they deserve a "better" partner and dump you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2010): Tell her how she's coming across - if I were you, I'd be hot-footing it out of there - NOW!
She sounds like a selfish, controlling and vicious bisom. You deserve better.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 April 2010):
 I got halfway through the second paragraph, I had already broken up with her myself.
May I change the title of the question for you? "Why am I dating this girl?" would be more accurate.
Have you talked with her about this change in your relationship, in a calm, loving manner? Or is it impossible?
Good relationships require communication, compromise and mutual respect. If you don't have those three things, on top of all the other things that go with being in a relationship, you are toast. Think about that and then I think you'll know what you need to do.
Take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate your answers guys =)
The reason why I'm in love with her to begin with is because for the first few months, she was golden, a true catch, loving, kind, caring, faithful, everything you could want.
And she does have her days where this shows through again, and when I say she has her days, it's like once every week, for about 5 hours, then she turns back into Satan.
If it wasn't for the fact I know how perfect she can be, then I would've dropped this whole thing months ago, but as for now, I think I'm gunna be having this serious chat you guys are talking about.
Thanks for your help =)
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (25 April 2010):
I think you need to stand up for yourself.
Tell her how unhappy you are and ask where it's gone wrong. If she's not willing to change or even talk about it then I think you have to leave.
I'm not entirely sure why you have stuck around taking this abuse for so long!
It could well be that she wants to split up but doesn't have the balls to actually end it so it taking the fact she's unhappy out on you in the hope you'll take the lead.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, ToadChops +, writes (25 April 2010):
 Has your relationship hit rock bottom?
Well... um, sorry mate but quite possibly.
If you honestly love her - why, exactly...?! - then it's worth having a sit down with her and talking it over. Maybe she has other problems that are affecting her behaviour. You need to find out, because there's a good chance that she's just having you on.
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