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male
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anonymous
writes: I'm not sure what to do in my situation. I have been with my girlfriend of a year and 10 months and we used to live together up until last saturday. she was driving to work and got pulled over for driving with no license and no insurance she called her mom and the next thing I know she is moving out. she says that she wants to stay together but she needs to have her own place. her parents are having her move into a condo they own and are now controlling her life. her father is the controlling and abusive type and it is possible she is being coerced into this situation. also, since my trust has been betrayed i logged into her email (i know its wrong) and saw some emails she sent to her ex boyfriend saying how she will never love someone as deeply as she loves him and she feels she basically gets into a relationship with someone until she sees hope they can get back together and then dumps the guy. he responded that she has a kid with me and they will only be friends. she says she wants to be with me still and does want to have a future, but im not sure if this is because she needs the security that i bring to the table, or if she truly wants to be with me. if its her parents causing her to take these steps, why is she emailing her exboyfriend and acting like we arent together? any help is appreciated.
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female
reader, Toria +, writes (22 October 2006):
 Firstly she was already out of the situation with her parents and living with you so unless she is underage which I doubt from your post then they have no power over her living with you or going back home so I would imagine this choice to move out was down to her and maybe a little talk with her parents suggesting it was a good idea may have helped it.
You need to talk to her, snooping at her emails was not the best thing to do but you needed answers and you've now got them although sometimes ignorance is bliss.
There could be alot of reasons for her behaviour, she could be scared of how she feels about you so running away from it or she could be wanting out of the relationship but scared to lose you completely or lose the habit of having you there so holding onto something with you.
Good luck :o)
A
female
reader, BeckaR +, writes (21 October 2006):
 I agree that you need to ask her all these things, but be very careful when you do it so that she doesn't just clam up and just end up saying what she thinks you want to hear.
Make it safe for her to 'come clean' about everything that has been going on for her. You have to make her feel like you aren't going to freak out if she says something that might hurt you, and you have to follow through with that.
A good way to start might be to just let her know that it is obvious things have changed for you guys and that you need to figure how this new situation is going to work for you, her and the both of you as a couple. Let her know how you feel about her and what you have been thinking and that you want to talk about it like adults.
If she says something about feelings for her ex, you have a decision to make, but don't yell and scream and fight, especially if there is a child in this scenario.
Don't let small issues blow up into huge things they really aren't. If there is more under the surface try and get to that, but both of you need to stay calm or you will get nowhere.
Good luck and I hope that you get what you want!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2006): I think you need to sit down with your girlfriend and ask her all of these questions, and even bring up how she feels about her ex...and then listen without judgement. And then tell her what you want out of the relationship and what your time frame is for getting married if that is what you want to do, sounds like it would be the thing to do since you already have a child together before marriage...Stop waiting to figure out whether or not she wants to be with you, tell her how you feel about her and what you envision for your future together, and see if that doesn't give her the confidence she needs in your relationship together...this isn't a contest of who gives into the other one first, it is a partnership based on friendship, respect, trust and passion, you have to take care of her emotional needs to be her friend, you have to respect her wishes and trust that she will do the right thing and if she does not, then you will have another decision to make....good luct to you.
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