A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello,My wife and I live across a ocean! She is doing her post grad studies back home and I am working in Europe. Two months after I left for work and medical reasons (operation) my wife started seeing some guy. She had told her friends that I left her and abandoned her.I came back after being gone 3 months to visit for two weeks as that was all the time I could get offThen 3 months later I went back to visit again.Then 3 months later again I went back to be with my son and wife on his birthday. She came with him to visit me in November in europe Two weeks later I am here visiting her. I saw a message on her phone dated the 14th of December saying to a friend she had left me. Now we have had sex and gone out to nice places spent time with family hers and mine and ours together. But today I saw that message saying she left me in December then why did she say in November when she was with me she loved me and told me the other day I love you whilst making love! Her mother had bought her an apartment and it needs work done inside - tiles, kitchen and all but neither one told me about that apartment. Her family hide information from me.Her father slipped and told me. Why would they hide info from me like that and why does she say she loves me and wants to be with me buts writes texts saying we are separated! I am not a Loser I make a very healthy living and have No Worries so why keep me in the dark?? Is she only doing this to keep our son happy and just has sex with me to keep me happy? Dont know what to do please help!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2012): Do not believe her when she says she loves you!! Actions speak louder than words so if her words are totally opposite of her actions, you should believe her actions and conclude that her words are lies.Why would she lie to you? I think she fully intends to leave you, but is waiting for the right time. that would be whenever it's convenient for her or when she has a new life sorted out and lined up. That sort of explains why her parents bought her a new apartment. she doesn't want to have any transition period, she wants to jump straight from your marriage into a new comfortable life. therefore until she's ready to live on her own comfortably like with a new partner and new home, she wants to keep you around maybe as a back up in case her exit strategy falls apart (like if the other guy she's seeing backs out or leaves her). Or maybe she's just too big of a coward to tell the truth and break up with you so she's delaying that and in the meantime she has to make it look like everything is normal. Or maybe she is only with you out of pity for your medical condition.I think you should consider your marriage to be over. She's already told everyone else so that means that in her mind it's final she's just waiting for the right time for her to announce it to you.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 December 2012):
 she wants the security of a husband and father for her child but the excitement of dating. My ex husband was like that.
she lies to you about her affairs
she lies to her affairs about you. my ex used to tell women that he was unhappy and his marriage was terrible and we were separated. we were not. we lived in the same house and slept in the same bed and I was clueless.
She is using you. I'd consider ending the marriage. I mean will you ever trust her?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2012): sounds to me like your wife has quite a lot going on behind your back. and i must say, it's not looking good for you. One of two things is happening:1. she told her family and friends you left her so that they didn't make her feel bad when she began cheating on you and seeing that other guy. in that event, that would explain why her parents got her a new apartment; because they were under the impression you left her and were trying to help her out and get her back on her feet. now, she may have told her parents and friends that you two are trying to work things out.2. she's planning on leaving you soon. she's getting her life together and set up so that she can leave you for good. once again, that would explain why her parents got her the apartment and why she's telling everyone you two aren't together anymore.either way, i don't see this marriage working out. i'm sorry, bud.2.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (27 December 2012):
 Your wife is playing you. Confront her with your findings and demand answers. Life is too short to stay with someone who doesn't have your back.
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