A
female
age
41-50,
*NW78
writes:I am a 35 year old widowed father of a 7 year old son. His mother died a few years ago from drugs. I own my own business, which has been doing well, but is time consuming. So, I had hired a nanny to help care for my son.I began dating a woman earlier this year (age 29) and eventually she moved in with me. She (Meagan) has poured a lot of herself into my son. He was afraid of the water. So, she took him to the Y for swmming lesson and put her suit on and got in the water with him. She will spend half an hour a day with him on his math, tend to him when he is sick, take him to a nearby park to play, makes him do some chores, clean his roon, etc. We had a recent situation in which she grounded him for the weekend. She told me about it. He was smart-assed with her and she when she threatned to ground him he told her she was bluffing. She told him she never bluffed and sat him down for the weekend. I backed her up. But the problem is she had to travel because of a family health crisis and my son is all upset because he wants her back and is afraid she's not coming back. Why is my son reacting this way? I mean, a week ago, he was mad at her. Now, it's when is she coming home?
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female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (13 September 2011):
 I think your son is having a normal reaction to your GF's absense.
He lost his Mom. She went away and did not come back.
He is only 7 years old and may not be able to articulate/figure out why he is upset with her absense.
It is fairly common for kids to miss their parents when they go away. Mine are older, can ignore me all the time when I am in their presence, but bug me all the time about when I am coming home.
It will be nice for your son when your GF does come back and he sees "all is well".
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (12 September 2011):
 He may be particularly anxious if he has linked his misbehaviour with her sudden departure. He may also have similar thoughts about his mother.
We tend to assume that children feel powerless in a crisis or that they recognize their small place in the world. In fact it can be quite the opposite. Children tend to be self centred (they have to be at such a young age) and if they think they are the centre of the world, then naturally they'll assume blame for anything that goes wrong in it.
Your son may think he has the power to remove people from his life, even accidently. He might believe that if he was a better little boy somehow that his mother would have been inspired to stay off drugs and she'd be alive today. WE know that isn't true, but he might not.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2011): He obviously likes her a lot and looks at her as a mother figure. A lot of children get mad at their parents, but miss them whenever they're gone. Your son is probably just acting a bit more on it because last time a mother figure left him, she never came back.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2011): He's acting this way because his mom died, no matter what anyone says. Even if his memory of her is faded and blurry, she is still in there and he remembers that she was there and then she was gone. So now he sees your g/f was there and now she is gone. When you're only 7 it is hard to realize when people go away they come back, especially with a huge loss.
I lost my mother as a child and I can tell you that it has played a huge role in my life and my relationships. The one thing that will help him is to see that when people go away, they come back. I've also worked with children who lose parents, and when the other parent or special people goes away, they become terrified, especially if the absense is more than usual 8 hour day.
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A
female
reader, Lola1 +, writes (12 September 2011):
 Lol - technology is fun sometimes.
It is perfectly normal to have conflicting emotions when you are seven. He was mad at her, but loves her. Depending on how he is healing from the loss of his mother (my condolences, by the way), he may have a little bit of fear about losing Meagan because of it. I would think that is normal, too.
However, if this is all you are dealing with, then I wouldn’t read too much into things.
Simply be casual. “Of course she’ll be back. She misses us too, and will come back as soon as she can.” Maybe you can keep him busy by asking him to redirect his energy into a ‘welcome home’ gift, like an art project or something.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 September 2011):
 because he likes the rules and is afraid if she leaves she takes the rules with her...
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female
reader, MNW78 +, writes (12 September 2011):
MNW78 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI must have done something wrong. The question is showing me as a 30-35 year old female when I am a 35 year old male. I must have clicked something wrong somewhere. Sorry.
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