A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My wife and I are married a few years now. She is a teacher, and is taking graduate classes for her masters degree. She is very interested in the Arts, and is going to become certified in Art/Drama along with the regular education certification she already has.She is taking this advanced photography class this semester. As part of the class (per the syllabus) she has to do a nude study submission at the end of the class. The professor said they should submit 20 to 30 pictures of a nude figure, male or female. They can photograph someone they know, or there is a list of available models who will pose for a fee. I just assumed when we talked about it that she would photograph me, or maybe if she didn't want everyone in her class seeing me nude, then we'd pay for an anonymous model. Well, she asked me if I would ask our mutual friend, I'm not going to put his name here, so I'll just call him J. I'm a little hurt and confused that she didn't ask me, or want to photo just a stranger.To make the situation a little more involved, J was both of our friends before I even met my wife, in fact it was at a BBQ that J had that my wife and I first met. My wife also doesn't know that I know that she and J never 'dated', but they did 'hook-up' a few times. When we first got really serious, I considered removing J from our circle of friends, and I thought, oh well, so what, it was only casual and only a few times, I can deal with it, but, I never mentioned to my wife that I know it happened.What do I do? Do I just tell her no to photographing J naked (even though she's seen him before). Tell her to just get an anonymous model that no-one knows. Or, do I tell her that I know about her past experiences with J, and don't feel comfortable with her seeing him naked again? Or, and I just making something out of nothing since she's already seen him naked, ask him to do it, and just insist that I am there for the photo session?Thanks.
View related questions:
her past Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2011): Wow, you people recycle each orther. You should have married a virgin.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2011): Get a professional, keep it professional, and the use of an ex lover is simply way out of bounds.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2011): They have hooked up before. That makes it inappropriate now.
Whether or not you were supposed to know about their past relationship is beside the point. She shouldn't have gone to him for this even if you didn't know.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (12 September 2011):
 Your wife may not want to share you with her class, or she may have assumed that you wouldn't want to do it so I can understand her not asking you.
Approaching a former lover instead of an anonymous model is inappropriate. It's not that I think she or they are up to anything, because I don't. It's just very poor judgment on her part.
As was suggested in the previous post, calmly tell her you're very unhappy about it. Keep it brief because the more you say the more opportunity you give her to counter you. Resist the urge to try to forbid her and just see what she does about it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2011): I would be uncomfortable with my husband photographing a friend in the nude, especially a female friend. Even if it was a mutual friend. I would be extra uncomfortable knowing that they had hooked up. I would also be hurt if I wasn't at least asked, or at least told "I don't want my class mates to see you naked because you're mine," or something like that... To me it is like if you watch porn it is of people you don't know and never will meet. You don't watch someone you know having sex. I know it is 'art' photos, but still, I think it is disrespectful to your spouse view your oposite sex friends in the nude, especially if you've had sex with them. And, even if she doesn't know that you know, she obviously knows the past of her own life....I would just voice your concern in a calm and logical manner, explain that you are hurt and confused.
...............................
|
