A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ModNote: two almost identical questions combined. She (P) was my friend before i even met her brother, my now boyfriend. I also have a mutual girlfriend with P called (E)When i started dating her brother she would back stab me and stuff, saying, 'i wish the relationship doesn't last' I understand why, maybe it's because i took her brother or she wanted me to be completely her friend and not have ties with her brother. I dont know. So as time passed she got over it and we had fun double dates and etc. But suddenly she got pregnant and she didn't tell me. now that hurts she told other friends not me, and i found out that she didnt even want me to know and that she didn't trust me, seriously there was no reason for her not to trust me. But she just didnt, and when i found out she was like, i bet there is going to be gossip etc. but i didn't care about all that stuff i gave her strong words i supported her, she never told me anything about what was going on in her life and to think i used to tell her about my stuff my secrets and everything and now to her am just a side girl it hurt me. This pregnancy was hard for her and she got kicked out of her home, so she needed support but how would i support someone who didnt tell me what was up and didnt even trust me in the first place. She also suddenly stopped calling once she got pregnant. I wondered why because i did not know she was pregnant,also she was would call me in the early days of her pregnancy but she stopped, but she would call my other friend and ask her how i was doing i mean seriously.I always confront her if there is something going on, I told her how disappointed i was in her getting pregnant but i told her to be strong, she always look at the negatives i do, not the good and she backstabbed me saying i would expect my dad to say that no her who is she, she said a lot, this other friend told me .So when i saw her i was quiet, she thought i was moody but she didnt know i knew the worst she had said about me i wasnt going to put on a fake smile.She thought i had changed, but its wat i heard dat made me drift from her, but she was already pulling away from me...i wasnt involved in her life anymore.Sometimes i felt like crying and i am thinking why am i being treated this way.I am gettin better with time it will be fine but it hurts when it heals too. The funny thing is i dont hear anything from her she doesnt come to confront me if i wrong her instead she back stabs me which is not good. This one time i was talking to her she mis interpreted wat i had said instead of her to ask nicely before getting angry she replied back with rage telling me to **** off and how evrything is hard, and how i am not a true friend and i should leave her alone. It hurt me a lot all i said to her was sorry please forgive me, she never replied.So after a while i thought to myself i should be the bigger person and let me say hi, i did text her and she replied nicely like nothing happened. Then she invited me to the baby shower i went i was happy and evrything. I gave her a gift and i went to see the baby i was nice and kind. She is my friend thats what comes first and the sister in law business starts when i get married, i am just maintaing a civil relationship with her now and avoiding any drama. Everything i say to her she takes it in the wrong way. Help i dont know how to deal with this situation.Me and my boyfriend are happy, its his sister and my friend at the same timeI forgave her but i havn't forgotten. How do i get past the back stabbing and the way she told me to f*** off.Sometimes to get past hurtful words, i thought it was hormones but even hormones can be controlled besides she has been doing it long before she got pregnant.I've just had enough of her hurtful words.Sometimes i take my anger out on my bf, i know its not fairi swore never to tell her i am pregnant when i do get pregnant she will probably hear it from her mum not me and never to tell her my secrets.she will still be my frend but i choose how much close i get to her.I still care but i am trying hard not to.we been friends since we were 14 and we hang around with the same group of friends, we both are 21 now. i also introduced her to my closest friend and now they are so close that i feel left out in stuff they do.:(I even got her a dress when she was pregnant and she does not appreciate i think, she just sees me as a bad person, a gossiper i never gossip, untrustworthy i do not know.I have tried so hard to be nice to her, i am honest and she hates that about me. After i have been to the shower and to see the baby she has not called even once to say hi.Maybe the best thing is to forgive her,move on and let her be...any advice please it will be much appreciated? As my future sister in law what should i do and as my friend what i should also do because i dont want to create resentment towards her.I was friends with her for 5 years now. At one point i liked her brother and she tried to get us together but it did not work out. After 2 years her brother asked me out, I have been in this relationship for nearly 3 years and we are in love.When she knew that her brother liked me, she started backstabbing me, wishing my relationship wouldnt last, she was saying this to my closest friend. I found out everything, i even heard a recording my friend E took. I took it lightly not personal. We then got close me, P and E . We had double dates etc. It was going good but all of a sudden P went quiet on me, she would call E and ask her how i was doing this hurt me, but i ddnt say anything. After 2 weeks i found out P was pregnant, she told E and left me out, i mean i used to tell P everything, but she couldnt even let me know she was pregnant. I was hurt. But i latter found out she didnt even want me to know about it and that i would judge her, i would never judge a friend and i will end up telling everyone. It seemed like she hated me.I started distancing myself and she would say stuff behind my back, and that ive changed.But i still supported her gave her advice, i felt her pain but she did not see that(the pregnancy wasnt planned, parents were dissapointed). I confronted her and asked her why she leaves me out, she kind felt bad but that did not stop her.She invited E to her new place, because her parents kicked her out, she never invited me, she told E she did not want me there. You could say hormones, but she has been doing it before she got pregnant, she always finding fault in everything i do.When i told her how dissapointed i was with her pregnancy, she went behind myback and said i was not her father to tell that, i mean come on. Even a simple text, she would say to E i am rude, she never used to say it to me, she would smile at me and backstab me after. I texted her time to time to know how she was coping, so in on of the texts i told her to ask her mother about babies, and she said why would i, if they kicked me out , and i know everything but she was talking to her mum on the phone almost everyday. So i said i would ask mine it would an honour to her she replied telling me to mind my own business and how i was a negative friend, and she doesnt need any bullshit in her life I was hurt i only said sorry, and she never replied. After 2 months i asked her how she was doing. I had to be the bigger person,she replied happily and she invited me to her baby shower, she was happy and i was too, but it wasnt the same between us...she wasnt interacting with me much. This P could be my sister- in -law in a few years, am glad the baby shower helped me become civil with her. I can understand she might have been stressed but, why treat my other friends different, she did not even asccept my apology. She thinks we are okay, i guess that's what my boyfriend told me since he tried to ask her about the situation.I feel like i should leave her alone, she backstabs me and she makes me out to be horrible. I decided to cut her out of my life and not try too hard to be friends with her, obviously she will become invloved ,when i become part of the family but to a certain extend. Now she has a baby and she trying to play aunty, am not even excited after what i have been through.I need advice on what to do please.I am sorry its too long......What to do about the situation...cause i feel pain every time i think about it.What i have i done to her ive always been nice, she betrays me. I am going to to see the baby and that will be it really will see if she comes round :( :(
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (29 January 2012):
 You are very welcome.
I hope she gets bored with being nasty to you, eventually. Though often nasty people still stay bitter and twisted.
Regards
Abella
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks Abella nice words ...i will do that
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThats not the case though like its about our friendship cause it didnt interfere with me being friends with her, you can say she might have felt betrayed during the first months but we are nearly 3 years and we hanged out me and her a lot, going out its not me being with her brother.she was like that before i even got involved with her brother so yh .....its when she got pregnant she started acting up she never wanted to tell me as a friend am not married yet.....I honestly see her as my bf's sister nothing more anymore
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2012): I have seen this many times, and usually the one who behaves the way your boyfriend's sister is, is simply because she feels that you betrayed the friendship, by going with her brother. This may not be what actually happened, but it is how she sees it. Once you start going with a friend's family member you change the friendship, it can never be the same. Be civil when you have to be, at family parties and such, don't bad mouth her to your boyfriend either, because it will only cause more trouble and drama, either within your relationship or within his family. Don't try push to be her friend, she doesn't want your friendship, you are now simply her brother's girlfriend, nothing more to her.
I know your hurting, but you made the decision to get involved with her brother and change the friendship, you can't have everything in life, and you feel betrayed by her now, she probably felt betrayed by you when you started going out with her brother, so accept your role as his girlfriend alone, and simply be civil when you have to be, and concentrate on your boyfriend. I hope it works out for you.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (29 January 2012):
Of Course you have a perfect right to be upset by this nasty piece of work. You should not have to endure all the rubbish she is peddling. Attend family events, listen a lot. But do not engage her in converation for she is not worthyI think this former friend (she really is no longer your friend - she is mean to you) is far too much trouble.And for some reasons she is trying to make you react and she is trying to cause trouble between you and your boyfriend. Do not give her that satisfaction.Of course you could not support her in her pregnancy during the time you did not even know she was pregnant. She knows this is true. But instead it is likely that she is bad mouthing you and trying to cause you trouble, You bought her a maternity dress and she was not even grateful.Stop allowing her resentment to hurt you. She is clearly manipulative and divisive. Do not speak to her unless you have to - and then only if there is an impartial witness present.Do not bad mouth her to your guy. He will still have loyalty towards his sister.Maybe her parents have said nice things about you and she is jealous of this fact? Develop a nicer group of friends - people who will not have a reason to meet her. Best wishesAbella
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