A
female
age
26-29,
*he unknown
writes:I don't know what to do. My ex and I from two years ago have become closer recently we have been talking more face to face and we have also started bbming each other a bit. A few months after we broke up i had got completely over him and we thought of each other as friends (quite distant), then lately we have begun to talk more! I have realised that I have become to like him, however it is not like a renew of my feelings from the previous relationship its more like a new feeling for someone else because he has changed since the end of the relationship.Also, its not having feelings from the old relationship because I completely got over it, and I hated how the relationship was after! So what do I do?Also, when I'm talking to him it takes a while for him to get comfortable in the conversation for us to have a banter and him to seem interested, most times I start the conversations but he does start them now and again! Is he interested? Also, what conversation starters can I use for him to become suddenly interested so he asks me the questions instead?Please help! Thank you!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (29 January 2012):
 I have no idea why some guys do not say what they really mean.When in doubt look at a guy's Actions not his Words.Sometimes, when a guy is not willing to be honest about his feelings, (trying to protect his heart from being hurt), a guy will say the polar opposite of where his heart really is.Take it very slowly. Enjoy. Don't confront.Let him grow in confidence.His actions suggest interest IMHO :)
A
female
reader, the unknown +, writes (29 January 2012):
the unknown is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your response I was told that he wasn't looking for a relationship by a friend who said ' I said I wasn't looking for a relationship (at this time the friend was upset) and he said same ?' So is he being true here or not?
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (29 January 2012):
Yes, I think he has actively tried to reformat himself so he can better appeal to you.
Now, as a new man, I think he is actively wooing you again. And it is working:)
Absolutely he IS INTERESTED in you.
If you are also interested in him then I think the happy sparks will be glowing very soon.
Now you asked for some conversation starters for you that might lead to him asking questions of you.
A very important thing you need to is to build up TRUST so he is more willing to open up to you and more willing to be an active participant.
Make sure you do enjoy some shared activities - as it give you more good memories to discuss later.
Swap a book - he reads your fave author and then you both discuss what he liked about the book - and you do the same with the same book and find out where you are the same and where you differe.
Then you accept one of his fave author books and you go through the same exercise with his book. It allows for much discussion.
Listen carefully to discern his mood. And then use that to generate another question. "You sound a little flat today, so what happened at school / or work this week?"
Listen to him intently and use what he says to form another question - get him talking about him
(a subject he knows so much about)
generate excitement
-tell him something good that happened to you
- then ask him about what gave him the most pleasure at work that day/week
If you are lucky he will start to copy this technique and generate more questions himself.
Top ten things. Hand him a sealed envelope with your top 10 favorite things. Ask him to write out his top ten favorite things. and give it to you in a sealed envelope.
Keep the envelopes sealed. Then he has to nominate your favorite top 10 things. He gets to read later how accurate he was.
You do the same for him. And get to read later from his list how accurate you were. And you and he learn more about each other in the process.
You can also do the 10 top things/sealed envelope exercise, as above, with his top ten qualities and your top ten qualities.
It is a way for each of you to learn more about yourselves and each other.
Ask him where he likes to buy his clothes and then hone in on something he is wearing and what he likes about it.
Ask his opinion on something happening in the news
scan the news - and don't just try local. read international news too. I often read newspapers from countries overseas just to get a different slant on the same news.
Ask him to explain a game he loves or the pros and cons of a player in the team. Listen very intently to his answer as it will generate more issues for him to discuss.
Ask him where he would like to be in 5 years and then in 10 years. It may be too hard to answer. But he may start to think about it.
Hope that helps
Regards
Abella
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