A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, thanks in advance. I'm having issues with a platonic friend of mine. She's become my best friend and we've been close for about 2-years. 'L' and I both work together, we live nearby and often hang out and carpool, and we talk on the phone often for hours every single day. We pretty much know everything about each other and everyone remarks about how well we get along together. We get along like brother and sister.Last week she seemed to be in a negative mood but she wouldn't say why. She went off the radar for a few days, didn't answer any texts/calls etc. Then she sent me a text out of the blue saying she's turning off her phone throughout the day and only wants to interact at work for the foreseeable future. She didn't say why. Then I noticed she had blocked me on social media.Then when I get to work and she's there, she's making a lot of effort to avoid me. She only talks to me if she absolutely has to and it's work-related. I've tried to ask her what's wrong and I get short answers. "Nothing's wrong". Otherwise she virtually acts like I don't exist.I'm so confused. I don't think we had any big fight or anything and I don't think I said anything offensive. She's normally a direct person who doesn't play mind games, if she has a gripe she'll normally say. At the moment I'm trying to give her her space. I feel like she's kind of ghosting me and honestly it's hurting a bit. I've thought about sending a big text asking for an explanation and reminding her I'm there for her if she needs anything, and I've thought about pressing the issue at work a bit more. Obviously I don't want to harass her and the last thing I want to do is cause any issues at work. If this is her pushing me away, I feel like the least she could do is tell me why? But at the same time I'm wondering if this is something where I just wait and give her more space.Any clarity and advice would be much appreciated, thanks!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2021): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your advice, it's very much appreciated!
To clarify we are super close. Neither of us have major social circles and we're kind of loners in our own way but we have a lot in common, and so that's why we spend so much time together and talking etc. And communication has always been 50/50, previous to this she would call regularly and text throughout the day, and so would I. I never felt like I was being overbearing or anything.
She is continuing to ignore and avoid me, but I've not pressed the issue. I'm giving her space and I won't talk to her unless it's work-related.
I have noticed that she has been spending more time around another lady we work with who has been known for gossiping and making up kind of erratic and out there stories. It's crossed my mind that perhaps she has gotten into her ear and maybe there's stuff being made up about me? I don't know.
I can't think of anything offensive I've said at all to her.
I've decided I'm going to leave things as they are. She's made it very clear that she doesn't want to interact with me. Whether that's permanent or short-term, I don't know, but I can't force the issue. If she wants to mend bridges and explain herself I'll listen, but I'll definitely have my guard up.
Thanks again everyone
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2021): P.S.
FYI, most recently, racist or misogynist remarks or jokes really set people off!
Women do not like critical comments about their bodies, physical-features, hair, or lady-parts.
Go down your check-list, and run it through your memory banks and files! If you've been friends for a long-time; and you inconsiderately over-shared one of her embarrassing/private experiences; you've probably made yourself an enemy! If you've inadvertently snapped at her, or momentarily lost your temper; you can't always just dismiss it as insignificant. Just a few things to jog your memory!
Hope you don't owe her money!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2021): I don't think it's a good idea to press personal issues at work.
If she's avoiding your for whatever reason(s); best to be strictly professional when on the clock. She just might take it to HR and make a bigger problem out of it. If she does have an issue with you, keep it away from your job!
My guess is SHE might have done something, or said something, that she knows you may get upset about. Whatever it is, it hasn't made it's way to you yet. It's coming one-way or another!!!
Whenever it's evident something is wrong, and people deny that it is...rest assured, it's really some kind of drama!
You may have inadvertently said something to someone in confidence that might have gotten back to her. Part of the punishment is keeping you uneasy and wondering what you've done. She is ghosting you and blocking you; so it's a good guess you might have offended her unintentionally. It happens.
Nothing is more irritating than when people pull passive-aggressive nonsense before they'd just spit it out. If she wants to play guessing-games; honor her space and let her stew in it. Until it makes its way to you through another source.
Leave her alone at work, don't jeopardize your job!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2021): Unfortunately I've had a couple of friends do this to me and I just keft tgem to it. Its a horrible thing to do to someone who is supposed to be your friend, so eho needs people like that in their life anyway. Just carry on as you are be polite do your work forget about salvaging a friendship with this person they sound like a dick to be honest.
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (2 August 2021):
 This is very odd behaviour indeed, to go from being like best friends to then go to being ignored and like your non existent is rather strange.
You say she is a direct person who does not play mind games, if she has a gripe she will normally say. I'm sorry to say but it does not seem so in this case, infact she is totally being indirect, she is playing mind games, and is leaving you hanging with regards to what the actual problem is.
I could give you lots of reasons as to why i think she is acting like this, but at the end of the day i know as much as you do as to why she is off with you.
I think you are just going to have to brush this off and continue in your job as your doing and just let her continue with her's.
I would not even bother going investigating what is wrong, these things have a habit of unfolding over time, i'm sure you will naturally find snippets of information as time goes on.
But in all honesty i would not be so accommodating if she tries to rekindle your friendship further down the line.
Move on with your life and forget her.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 August 2021):
 Respect the fact that she wants nothing to do with you.
I know it sucks but that is the reality.
I think it's ridiculous that she can't even tell you why, because there IS a reason here. Either she has caught feelings for you and is in denial or she has heard something very negative about you and thus wants nothing to do with you. Or she is seeing someone who is jealous?
Do you two have a mutual friend who gossips? Or someone who has an axe to grind with you? (like an ex?) or coworker?
I'm asking because I have seen stuff like this before. My BIL was dating a woman and it was going sorta good and then his ex-wife found her number and told her lies. The GF then dumped my BIL and he didn't know for 6 months what had just happened. The ex-gf then called him and told him that she regretting dumping him but it was a little late for that. So yeah, a 3rd person could be the reason.
So be professional at work, pretend she is a stranger if that helps you out. Just be all about work. Be polite but stop asking her what's up.
Regardless, your friendship is over.
So yeah give her space - like a wide berth! And move on with your life.
Sorry.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2021): Most friends might talk to each other once a week but every day... for several hours... ?! I think that's a bit much. Did she call you as often as you called her? Maybe she just needs a bit of a break!! I would send her a message saying you are here for her and happy to talk any time and just leave it at that. Then wait for her to contact you.
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