A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm feeling really confused. I've been friends with *Chris* for almost a year. We've been into each other since the first real conversation we had in January and never acknowledged it, thinking it couldn't work because of other forces complicating the situation. We began "seeing" each other (I guess, who knows what it was then) at the beginning of May after a lot of drama with his roommate (other forces) who also liked me. The transition from friend to more-than-a-friend has been really hard for him, especially considering the way we got together and how it somewhat damaged his relationship with his roommate/friend of many years for a few months. I feel that we've finally moved past that issue and have had a few talks about feelings and everything. My problem right now is his inability to be physical with me. We've been what we consider dating but not an official relationship for almost six months. He does not take the initiative! He also pulls away when I try to kiss him or cuddle with him most of the time. I can also count how many times we've had sex on one hand. I think its weird that we don't have sex more often (and I want to, he just doesn't seem interested or something). I know its hard for guys who are shy, blahblahblah, but I'm just starting to feel impatient. Our last talk happened a few days ago and while I didn't bring up this topic--I asked him if he just wanted to be friends and he said "no," that he likes me, etc. He also doesn't want me seeing other guys. What is going on?! I know I'm a good catch and some people say "out of his league" and I don't see it like that---but I don't like the way this is making me feel and I'm kind of like, "hello, I'm sitting right here! touch me! kiss me! do anything!" I feel like I repulse him or something. We mess around sometimes, but usually its when he has some alcohol in him. He seems to like it when I kiss him goodbye occasionally, but I don't do it very often because I don't ever really get a vibe that he wants to touch me or me to touch him. I'm just sick of feeling silly. When I give him little kisses on his neck or cheek sometimes, he asks "what are you doing?"--not in a rude way, but WTF? What is wrong with him? Does he really not want me to kiss him and show him how attracted I am to him? Its not as though I do it all the time! He's just really awkward about touching me. Usually he will playfully punch me or something along those lines and I feel like its because he just feels freaked out. Its like we're ten years old and he's the little boy trying to pull my hair to get my attention.The problem is he's 24 years old and he's never had any kind of relationship with a woman other than sexual. This doesn't seem normal (not that he hasn't been in a relationship, but that he has had sexual relationships in the past but doesn't seem to want one with me). I know he really likes me, I know he's very attracted to me, but he can't seem to ever consistently physically express how he feels as well as not being able to verbally express that he is attracted to me. I don't think he's playing some kind of game, but I've taken the lead and been rejected and feel like an idiot. I really like this guy because he's not drooling all over me and all up in my business 24/7. I really, really want this to work, but I can't keep feeling like I'm not good enough when I know I am. He knows other guys are into me and you know, we're exclusive I guess, but he's not my "boyfriend"--so why isn't he trying harder to make sure I know he wants this? Why doesn't he want me-want me?I know I need to talk to him, but what do I say? Do any of you guys know what may be going through his head?
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female
reader, dskurth +, writes (22 December 2008):
This may be upsetting...but are you sure he is not gay? Gay men can love you, not want you to be with anyone else...but on not physically attracted to women.
If you are sure he is not gay, then well, then perhaps he is simply not attracted to you. This has NOTHING to do with his feelings for you. It is simply biology, the love is there, but the attraction is not. Ultimately you have to decide whether you can live with this or not, because you are not going to change him and chasing him will ultimately ruin the relationship.
Good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2008): Hey girl,
I think he maybe unsure of how to go about things. Some guys really don't know what they're doing and maybe he doesn't know how to go about having a girlfriend. Tell him that you do want to be with him but sometimes you're unsure of his feelings towards you. You don't know if he wants the attention you're giving him or if you should stop. Just go from there.
Hope I helped a lil,
take care!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2008): Dear Poster
I understand your concern and personally I would be to.
Something does not add up and is "missing".I see some red lights flashing; total lack of affection from his side; why?
The situation does not sound very normal to me. Just wondering; him and his roommate, have been friends for very long; You mentioned that there was problems between them because of you; I don't know, but could there be more to the relationship between them then what meets the eye; could he be in doubt about his sexuality and or feelings for his roommate; Just a thought.
The other alternative is that he is physically just not that "into" you; not enough chemistry.
I suggest you talk to him and try to listen to him very carefully; explain to him how you feel; but give him time to talk; it is very important that you clear this before you waste any more time hanging around a guy that is not giving you enough affection; Vow, what kind of a relationship can this be if there is no affection? It is not fair on you and you deserve better.
You sound like a very loving and confident person; DON'T allow this guy with his issues to affect you and start doubting yourself; have the talk and then decide.
BUT you cannot continue like this.
Good luck; keep me posted.
Always keep SMILING.
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