A
female
age
41-50,
*nonymous_Chick
writes:Hello My Dear Cupid friends,I been married for 8 1/2 months i'm 29 and he is 48,I wrote about him in a previous post.. I have had some problems with porn with him but he cooled out on it alot.. My husband does not like to kiss and is not affectionate type I wish he was,but making love was good but the last couple of months he has become so lazy in bed!He does not put forth very much effort to give me what I need it is all about him.. Sometimes he gets his and turns over and goes to sleep he said hes the man joking around. I know hes not cheating and I understand he has a demanding job but is that an excuse. Yesterday he tried to make love to me with no foreplay and I stopped him and asked what the problem was,he said that he has had alot of sex when he was younger and that his ex wife was something else and made him do it to her in one position and then made him get up.So he said that it is not me he just goes through the motions with sex sometimes instead of really getting into it.. I know he had a bad 17 year marrige and bad habbits die hard but do I have to pay for it or is it that he is just set in his ways which are selfish I was thinking if you had so much sex why are you watching porn and as much porn you have watched why are you so darn lazy you should know some tricks maybe because that takes no effort LOL!It's to early in the marrige for our sex life to get this boring,, What's the problem?
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ex-wife, foreplay, his ex, porn, sex life Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2010): Your being too easy on him. Why get let this go. I say leave. Then if, and only if he starts working on himself andgets counselling, consider going back. Lifes too short to waste being disrespected. There are plenty of men who will love AND respect you. Why waste more time with this loser. It's only going to get worse if you have kids andas you get older. your body will change and he'll still getting offto 22year old airbrushed porn stars. How do you think you will feel them. It either ends now or that is where its headed. Sorry it sounds harsh but in general men will treat a women as disrespectfully as she allows him to get away with.
A
female
reader, Anonymous_Chick +, writes (21 January 2010):
Anonymous_Chick is verified as being by the original poster of the question I want to Thank everybody for the advice,last night we had an agruement about him hiding the browsing history on his iphone..He said that he works hes home he handles business leave me alone with my porn,he said that's something he has to work on with god.When he feels like i'm pressuring him or cornering him he gets on the defense saying hen was happy alone he does not need anyone and that i'm always looking over his back,I have him hand cuffed.. I told him when he lies about it and hides it just makes it worse to me just keep it real!I told him he has a problem he said no I don't i'm just like any hardworking guy that likes to watch porn..What pisses me off is he puts more effort into sneaking watching porn that he puts into the bedroom.I told him to grow up your to old for this crap even at work with his buddies their standing around on break looking at women on there iphone passing it around.We have been in disagreement about this since the beginning of our marriage and i'm sick of it,I don't want to control him or make him feel like i'm always nagging I just want him to have respect and work on it instead of having agruements about it every month or so.When it's all said and done he feels guilty kisses my butt says sorry let's it cool down til the next episode.. I love my husband and want to stay married i'm living up to all my wifely duties but yet if I want to do anything I can't, men are double standard!I'm going to get off his back but when he ruins a good thing he will only have his self to blame...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2010): Can pretty much garanteed he is watching plenty of porn. Men delude themselves that watching porn doesn't affect them as sexual partners but it definately makes them inconsiderate and duds in bed. Why? Because they have unrealistic ideas about women and sex.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): may be he is too old for this or his stamina is not good anymore so the best thing is exercise every morning or evening then he might come back to what u want..that kind of thing have happen 2 me before i almost have sex everyday with ma girlfriend when i still used 2 play games(sports) but when i stop playing coz of ma exam ,then suddenly im bored of sex.After i finish ma exam i start to play again n ma stamina came back then we make love like anything almost everyday till now
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2010): Personally, only my opinion of course, but I think you need to concentrate on yourself. If he does not satisfy you, please you and make you happy then, even after telling him and waiting...waiting... for happiness... you need to put yourself first. Realise that sometimes this aspect of your relationship may not be right. The decision is whether you wish to live with that or not.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2010): A man of his age should know what hes doing in the bedroom. Whatever happened with his ex wife is of no consequence. Blaming her because hes not meeting your needs is very shabby of him. You said in the past you have posted here about him and porn. You remark that he should have some ideas because he watched it. Porn isnt a sex manual. If anything it can make a poor lover even worse. Porn would have made him artificially sexually charged and now hes not watching so much, his sex drive is probably levelling off to its natural state. He may need to start watching it again, just to keep his sex drive cranked up. You need to think very carefully about the two of you. The age and sexual difference between you may become even more pronounced as time goes by. You are a relatively young woman and can expect a good sex life. He is telling you he had a lot of sex when he was young.....as if hes done! Now he wants to roll over and go to sleep once hes had his itch scratched? Sounds to me, he is content with the sex he had in his past. And now his porn has been reduced hes ready to retire on memories. You need to explain to him that its not enough for you and he has to shape up. All the best
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2010): I once told my man when he was acting selfish that "do you know that out there, there men who can really fcuk?". He was angry and didn't speak to me or touch me for days but after that we had a wonderful sex life. You have made him too comfortable. You need to prod his ego a little bit. After a lousy session just tell him straight up "you just don't do it for me anymore. This is useless." then go sleep in another room. Also start hanging out with your friends more and being less available to him and taking extra care with your appearance. For most men, the thrill is in the chase. So let him chase you the way he did when you first met. The ex wife stories are just excuses because he obviously wasnt like this when your relationship first started.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (18 January 2010):
Get him working on you! The problem is that he hasn't ever really done much in terms of sex, so doesn't really know what a woman needs. Tell him you need him to spend more time on you, and guide him.
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