A
male
age
41-50,
*amloyal
writes:Hello. Ok let's get into this straight away. I am in a relationship and its going well. We are in love and going to be having a baby in Oct. Not married but we are strong how we are. I Don't know why but my GF always has a secretive mind. For example when she says she is going to meet her mates she won't tell me there names but actually just say am going to see a mate. Second every morning she gets a message and she is always using her phone to message that she always make sure I cannot see the screen. That in the morning she looks at her phone whilst we both are laying next to each other and she sees the notification but never opens it when I am next to her!I Don't know what she is up to and need some advice and how to ask her why she is like this. Please help Reply to this Question
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male
reader, zerosignal  +, writes (28 November 2010):
i gotta say i had the same thing happen and i did snoop around in her phone and if you do see the worst bring it up right away, with a child on the way or there you either need to straiten it out or it will kill you on the inside i waited three months to say i read the text worst three months ever. recently it started happening again but this time there was nothing bad she just wants privacy....if your gut tells you to look then do so if you find bad bring it up if not then just drop it
A
male
reader, iamloyal +, writes (1 July 2010):
iamloyal is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell thanks for your wise advise on all this topic.... well she says she does not have nothing to hide and told me that if you want to check my phone then do so.....
I just said no it's ok as if she did not offer me that then possibly there was something going on....
maybe am just acting paranoid...i guess its the case of me having a one of those hearts thats easily falls for someone and it has....but her heart and her feelings really change every day(s) one moment she can be all loving and next she can be heartless... i just want her to lower her testosterone's as its something she needs to do......
its also the case that she has not been in a long term relationship for some time...but i know she loves me thats why she is still here and she wants to be with me....but how her mind works is totally different......
to be honest sometimes i just dont feel loved... but i try to ignore it and get a long till a day comes again when she is feeling all loving....
hey what can you do! no matter how perfect your partner maybe its never perfect....
another phrase i normally say is No One Loves You....They never will as much as your heart loves you! But till the day you find a heart that has the same feelings then you know Someone Does Loves You!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2010): By themselves these actions don't seem too serious but put together they would lead me to suspect she is cheating.
Get that baby's DNA checked.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (30 June 2010):
Well, the cat is out of the bag I'm afraid. So it's back to my plan, where you do a bit of very discreet investigating.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 June 2010):
 Reply? Why are you communicating with her through texts in the first place? This is something you have to talk to her in person about! And then you need to tell her your side of the story, exactly what you are wondering about.
You headed at this a bit too offensive. You accused her of being secretive over her phone, now you have it set up for a fight. Tread gentler next time. Tell her you want to have more trust in the relationship, and worry that she does not trust you, and that that is why she does this and that. Don't accuse her of anything.
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A
male
reader, iamloyal +, writes (30 June 2010):
iamloyal is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis is what I asked her:Why you so secretive over your phone for. Like you check your phone in the morning and you know you got a bbm message there but you don't wanna open it as I am der. And that makes me think what is she upto? and that makes me think that you're upto something and you dont want me knowingShe replied back 20 mins later:I'm not secretive over my phoneWhat can I reply to this?
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A
female
reader, eneyesee  +, writes (30 June 2010):
 Have you spoken to her about this? If you don't want to be direct, then ask her why she never invites her friends round. Tell her you'd be happier for her to arrange a girly night in as you're afraid she's over doing it with her being pregnant.
If you really are worried about her secretive texts, then do a little snooping to put your mind at rest. Be careful though, if nothing has been going on and she finds out you don't trust her it could damage your relationship.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (30 June 2010):
Next time she tries to hide the screen from you, ask her politely if you can see it. My guts is telling me she is secretive by nature and that there is nothing going on that really needs this secrecy. She just likes her life personal and private and is not one who wished to include everyone in everything. Not even her own boyfriend.
You should try and get past this defensive mechanism if hers. The more she keeps to herself the less you can trust her. Not saying she will cheat, I don't think she will. But trust as in openness, honesty, knowing where you have her.
Make some compromise and talk about this. Having a kid together you need to be open with each other. And I fear she will withdraw to herself more and more with time, eventually shutting you out completely.
She might be this secretive based on past experiences. I am often secretive myself based on how I was brought up. And having people who always stuck their noses in too far and made assumptions about me that were not true. Because of this I prefer to keep things close to my heart. Just because it makes my life easier, and I had having questions asked. Not that I cheat or do anything wrong. I just find it bothersome to have to include people.
Maybe she likes having her friends separate from you. Maybe in the past she experienced a friend falling for her boyfriend and therefor does not want to introduce you. Or an ex went possessive and didn't let her see her friends... for whatever reason she is being secretive I don't think she is up to anything. I think this is just how she acts based on past experiences. But try and help her get over this, try to get her to include you. She needs to start trusting you with this information.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (30 June 2010):
I have to say, there does seem to be something a miss here. I can understand the texts being a little secretive (you are allowed privacy). But when she's meeting these 'friends' and not even telling you their names, something could be a miss. I wouldn't ask anything, for the moment, because you don't have anything to confront her with. But maybe next time she goes out, you could do a bit of investigating and see where she goes.
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A
female
reader, fishy fish +, writes (30 June 2010):
Hi imloyal, you have every right to ask your gf about it! for instance you can tell her that since you're planning a baby soon and becoming a family, no secrets should be kept from family members, try to tell her discretely and politey the message without making a big scene out of it maybe she's innocently texting her friends since you don't know how she behaves around them, maybe she's texting her mom, so give her the benefit of the doubt by not criticising her phone secretive side but informing her at the same time that it's puzzling you a bit! You are becoming a family and she should totally clarify any suspicious behavior to maintain a healthy relationship! Best of luck and keep us posted.
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