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*ssgee39
writes:Why is my daughter-in-law jealous of the bond I have with my grandson. I have brought him up since he was 3 month old. I had him every day while she works, he's nearly 3 now. Because I am very close to him she has put him in full time nursery.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2009): When you do watch your grandson, make sure he makes something to give to his mother. I don't blame her for being a little jealous, but both of you should work to keep peace in the family.
A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (7 March 2009):
 Unless, like Gina and Army Medic pointed out, your daughter in law has explicitly say to you that she does not want to spend a lot of time again with you, her decision on the nursery school may indeed have more to do with the more contemporary concept of "early childhood education" than actual "jealousy" over the strong bond between grandson and his Nana.
Yes, toddlers being toddlers, they will spend as much time sleeping and playing (and learning) as much as they do when they are at home with their parents or their grandparents. The main difference, however, they are also spending time to learn "socializing" with their "peer" group. This is not to say that children who went to pre-schools or nursery schools will grow up to be better adaptive adults, it just that the parents happen to believe that early education is better for them. And that they can afford it.
I am sure you are still going to be an important part of your son's and your grandson's life in the future. You know, sometimes nursery teachers have to ask the parent that the child stay home because he had flu or other infectious/contagious diseases, to make sure that the other children in the school/class did not catch it.
Can you ask if you be the one to pick him from school to bring him back to (her) house? I am sure she will appreciate it, as she has appreciated you looking after him for almost 3 years while she pursues her career.
Grandmas are the best!
Cat
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (7 March 2009):
You don't say how you know that the move to nursery is DIRECTLY because you were close to him.
This really sounds unlikely and unless you have some proof of this, it sounds like you are just sad at losing all that time with him.
She could have wanted him in nursery because:
1. They are educational and get him of Ofstead and school recognised levels.
2. It socialises him with other children.
3. It stops her from feeling guilty about taking advantage of you.
4. It gives you your life back so you have more time to do things you want to do.
5. It has convenient drop off times and does what you tell them to.
If you really miss him then rather than coming on the internet and announcing that she is a jealous cow, why not talk to her about how you really enjoyed looking after him and you would love to maybe have him back one day a week?
That way he'd get all the advantages of being at nursery, you get him sometimes too, and they save cash on fees.
At the end of the day though, it is her's and your son's decision. I notice that he obviously had absolutely no say on any of this as far as you are concerned.
I know your question is not a true reflection of you but it gives the impression that you are determined that she is controlling jealous and against you... and that makes you sound jealous and over bearing.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
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reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (7 March 2009):
 Has she actually said that she's put him in nursery because of you? It sounds very unlikely. It's very easy for a Grandmother to know what is best for a child and this can come across as over controlling and interfering.
The child is HER son, and she has to do what SHE thinks is best. It's nothing to do with you, I know this may sound harsh but your son would never tell you and neither would your daughter in law, but give them space to bring up their child.
You don't want to push them away by being overbearing, let them come to you for help and advise, on their own terms.
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