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female
,
anonymous
writes: My daughter is 25 years old, she is a medical doctor recently graduated. She has been involved with this man for some time now, and did not say anything to her 2 sisters or her father nor me until early July this year she told her father and I about him and within 1 hour he came home to meet us. He is of a religion which she knows we do not approve of. We spoke to her, and it was real hell for the following 2 months at home. She did not speak to any of us . Finally she packed up and left home and up til now she has cut us off for good it seems. whenever her sisters call her she sometimes put the phone down on them, she refuses to say where she is. We dont want anything from her why is she doing this to us ? She is also illspeaking her father and I all over the place because we spoke to her for her own good. I really cannot beleive that she would be like this since she is an educated person. We can accept that she is not living at home anymore but why do this to her sisters and us becasue we were a very close family. please help us at home.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (27 September 2006):
 Your daughter is an adult and deserves to be treated as such. If she didn't ask you for your approval or advice you should have kept quiet. Now all you can do is let her know you regret what you did or said then sit back and wait for her to cool off.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2006): If she is so smart and educated, maybe you should not dismiss this guy based on his religion, and believe in your daughter's choices. Refusing to accept people because they are different than you is small minded, and maybe you should stop basing whether people are appropriate for your family based on what they believe. Sounds like she avoided telling her family about him because of fear he wouldn't be accepted, and when she was proven right, she bailed. I think you should focus on showing her you could be accepting and trust her judgement.
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A
male
reader, Dr. Reality Check  +, writes (24 September 2006):
 The truth is that whether you 'approve' of his religion or not, you should have accepted that it was your daughters choice, and be done with it. The fact that she couldn't tell you in the first place shows how much she wants to please you and doesnt want to hurt you, and you know that you have not given her the proper respect in this matter. You got to pick your partner....she is picking hers. As long as he makes her happy, you have no right to poke you nose into her relationship. The sooner you realise this, the sooner she will begin to forgive you.
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A
female
reader, Toria +, writes (24 September 2006):
 Sounds like your daughter is rebelling against everything that matters in her life, for what reason I don't know and could be one of many, I know it's hard and is hurting you and the rest of the family but you need to make her know you are all there for her if and when she needs you and just wait as she needs to know she can come back to you if and when it all goes wrong or she realises what she has been doing and how she has been behaving which there is a very good chance this will happen.
Good luck :o)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2006): Oh dear, how terribly sad for all of you and I am sorry. You daughter is delibrately turning her back on her family by emotionally and physically and emotionally cutting you all off. Emotionally cutting off loved ones is not a good, healthy way of coping with pain. I feel bad for her too. She must be very, very angry which is normally a response to deep hurt and pain. You already know what caused this. I am a mother too, so if I were in your shoes I would call her, e-mail her, fax her, text her..find a way of contacting her and ask to meet with her and tell her how sorry I was for any pain that was caused her. She is your daughter, your goal is to have a restored relationship with her, to have come back to the family and this meeting is not to see who’s right or who's wrong. This is a time for you to speak from your heart to her...lovingly and through tears and let her know irregardless, of the life choices she makes...you and her father and sisters will love and support her all the way. If she falters, you all will be there to pick her up and love her. She needs to understand this. This is what families do. I have always found that when parents drop 'their' defenses and reach out, their loss, pain and concern to the other person who's mad at them will hit home, but over a period of time as she may not even be able to respond to you right away. I wish you and your family well and I sincerely hope you are able to reach out to her in a loving, way. good luck, dear.
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