A
female
age
36-40,
*egaphone
writes:my boyfriend and I have been dating for just over a year and i have just recently found out that he no longer finds me attractive sexually. At first i was devestaed as i am already quite self concious. However he explained that he was still in live with me and did not want to be with out me. when i asked him if he was attracted to anyone else he said no, and he told me that it wasn't me and he thought i was absolutly beautiful but he just didnt feel that 'urge'. I don't know what to do, i love him very much and i myself can feel my level of sexual attraction towards him waining, what do i do? is this normal? our relationship also started as a sex only type thing but he ended up liking me and i him could this now be a side effect? apartently he has felt this way for a few months!!! it made sense as i always seemed to be the one to engage sexually activity but i am not unattractive and i have even lost about 10 pounda since we started going out. What do i do to make him more attracted to me? is this normal? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (28 October 2008):
I don't think you should do anything new or kinky to try and lure him back.
I think the problem is not you here but him. He's probably watching these things BECAUSE he knows you'd never do them. You are his homely girlfriend who is all tied in with emotional love, these are sexy sluts that he can relieve himself to without any thought.
Would you consider threatening to break up with him over this? Would you go through with it if he said "Yeah that might be for the best?"
The threat of losing you may just force him to open up and talk about his feelings rather than running to some porn fantasy land.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, megaphone +, writes (28 October 2008):
megaphone is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe still likes to masturbate and says that its just easier. I have asked him to tell me what to do, i am a very open person sexually and have no problem trying what ever he would like, i have even told him this.
I aslo have told him that i dont have any issue with him masturbating, its totaly normal but when he doesnt want to have any sexual relationship with me and continues to touch him self i am concerned. I have asked what kind of porn he watches and its always girl on girl and 3 some things. how can i bring an elemnt of this to him without crossing my own sexuality lines?
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (27 October 2008):
Rug Monkey is right, if he's off women all together then he may have a problem.
But I have to say I still want to jump my husband and he still takes photos of me for when he goes away.
Worst case scinario is that it's a sign that the relationship is coming to its natural end.
Can you stay in a relationship where you can't wait for him on his bed in underwear and watch his eyes light up with desire?
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, rugmonkey  +, writes (27 October 2008):
Is it a system-wide shut down on his libido or strictly in regards to you? It's normal for relationships to transition from a focus on lust-love (somewhere around the 18 mo mark in most relationships) and then for a renewal of sexual interest to occur sometime later. However if your partner has lost sexual interest in everyone, it's possible that he is depressed or suffering from a hormonal imbalance.
He seems to want to be with you, and you with him. The question becomes "Is a platonic loving relationship enough for me?"
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